Some people believe that success in life mainly depends on hard work and determination, while others think that factors such as money and personal appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is undeniable that an individual’s wealth can become

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

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fences or open the door of

horizon

Correct article usage

the horizon

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for them. A handful of people believe that hard work is the key to success,

whereas

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others think that one’s outer appearance and good finances are more important.

This

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essay shall highlight both the aspects and my personal opinion. First and foremost,

phrase

Correct article usage

the phrase

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‘first impressions

is

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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the

last

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impression’ is well known to everyone, suggesting that a person’s appearance plays a vital role in making their perception in

others

Check wording

others'

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mind

Correct subject-verb agreement

minds

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.

Additionally

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, the outer appearance and wealth walk

hand- in-hand

Use the right word

hand-in-hand

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. Money can make anyone’s image appealing by adding luxury clothing and makeovers.

According to

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a survey conducted by CBC

candidates

Punctuation problem

, candidates

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with polished looks were more likely to be hired by the employer.

On the other hand

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,

undoubtedly

Punctuation problem

undoubtedly,

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hard work and determination are two hard truths behind every successful person. Money and outlook cannot guarantee the winner by themselves

,

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;

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success requires constant effort, brilliant minds

and

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, and

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not giving up after failure.

For

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instance

Add a comma

instance,

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Bill

gates

Fix capitalization

Gates

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started his empire from scratch and became a brand himself. In conclusion,

while

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money and outer personality do play a crucial role to some extent but hard

Verb problem

hard-working

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working

Punctuation problem

working,

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intelligent minds, and determination help

building

Wrong verb form

build

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empires. Those who appear pleasing sit in offices

but

Punctuation problem

, but

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the ones who never gave up leave their marks in history.