IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people who care for elderly do not have enough time to look after them What are the problem related to this? What are the possible solutions?

Many
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 who look after the old ones do not have spare time to watch them
there
Punctuation problem
. There
show examples
 are some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
creating
Wrong verb form
created
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 if they do
such
Linking Words
 type of things
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 there are some possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 cause
Firstly
Linking Words
, they become depressed and feel regret about why they cannot look after there lovely parents
likewise
Linking Words
 human react like a living creatures especially animals the most realistic reason for
that is
Linking Words
 the personal attachment with those who grew newborn baby until he do not walk and eat himself
furthermore
Linking Words
, emotional stress is an other huge issue for fewer
due to
Linking Words
 they did not far away from family for a long time I think they depressed and got many
health
Use synonyms
 issues Despite the above
point
Punctuation problem
point,
show examples
 I have a possible
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 difficulty . First one is
elderly
Correct article usage
an elderly
show examples
 home is the possible solution
according to
Linking Words
 my
prospective
Use the right word
perspective
show examples
 because
this
Linking Words
 is the only place where they become
more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
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health
Use synonyms
 and away from stress
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
instance
Punctuation problem
instance,
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
America and some states of Europe have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many old
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 for elders where they have a
specialized
Use the right word
specialised
show examples
 team to take care and check
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 of seniors for
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 we must take care of our
elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
show examples
 when any time we
will
Verb problem
are
show examples
 free
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
due to
Change preposition
because
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 they need your attention and demand care from you
if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
 we
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not
done
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
so
Punctuation problem
so,
show examples
 some mankind become depressed and
got
Verb problem
develop
show examples
 many
Use synonyms
health related
Use the right word
health-related
show examples
 problems
in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 my
recommendation
Check wording
opinion
show examples
 government should build rehabilitation or old
house
Use the right word
home
show examples
 for better results

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planning
Plan your essay first. Write a short plan with two main parts: problems and solutions, plus a short intro and a closing line.
structure
Make clear paragraphs. Start each paragraph with one idea. Use easy linking words like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'so'.
content
Explain each point with a small reason or example. Do not mash many ideas in one long sentence.
grammar
Check grammar and spell well. Use short and clear sentences.
content
Use examples that fit the task, for instance real places that care for old people, with short facts.
content
The essay shows care for old people and has some ideas.
coherence
Some linking words like 'first' and 'despite' are used.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: