IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

2.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 essay. I will discuss the bad impact of fast
food
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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childrens
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children's
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 weight
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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add
Verb problem
will add
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 my personal opinion .
Body paragraph 1
It
is
Verb problem
has
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 been clearly
noitced
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noted
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 rapid change
of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
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children's
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 weight in the
arabain goulf
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Arabian Gulf
 countries.
Linking Words
to
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To
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 begin
with
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with,
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 KSA , some recent studies that
taken
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took
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 schools as
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a feild
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feild
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field
shown
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showed
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 that 66% of children between the
age
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ages
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 of 4 to 12
is
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are
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consaider
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considered
 overweight .
Linking Words
however
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However
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,
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the saudi
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saudi
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Saudi
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minstriy
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Ministry
 of
education
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Education
show examples
 in 2018 started to
bann
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ban
high fat
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high-fat
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 from school
cantens
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canteens
.
Body paragraph 2
After 2
yaers
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years
from
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of
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 banning
the
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apply
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high fat
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high-fat
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 ,
The saudi
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the Saudi
show examples
minstry
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Ministry
 of
education
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Education
show examples
 found a
remarkble
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remarkable
 drop
of
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in
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 the
precentage
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percentage
 of the oibes children from 66% to 42% only from changing the eating routine of the
studients
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students
.
Body paragraph 3
In the
modren
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modern
 world ,
Espcily
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especially
 in
USA
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the USA
show examples
there
Punctuation problem
, there
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 are
allwoing
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allowing
 every kind of
food
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 for all
studient
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students
 and it
is had
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has
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 a big influins badly on
there
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their
show examples
 health .
Conclusion
In my personal
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
bannin
Correct your spelling
banning
 the bad
food
Use synonyms
 in schools .

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear note of what you will say. Start with a short line that states your view. Then list the main ideas that will back it.
coherence
Some post ideas should be in separate paragraphs. Each para has one main idea and a link to the next.
content
Include a short view that opposes your side and then say why you still agree. This shows balance.
content
Use simple facts and numbers in a clear way. When you give data, say where it comes from and what it shows.
coherence
Use linking words to show order. Such as First, Also, But, Therefore, In addition, In conclusion.
content
You give your opinion and you try to give a fact from a country.
opinion
You use some real data to talk about the outcome of the ban.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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