IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Start now →
Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 essay. I will discuss the bad impact of fast
food
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childrens
Check wording
children's
show examples
 weight
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
add
Verb problem
will add
show examples
 my personal opinion .
Body · 1
It
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 been clearly
noitced
Correct your spelling
noted
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 rapid change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 weight in the
arabain goulf
Correct your spelling
Arabian Gulf
 countries.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
show examples
 begin
with
Punctuation problem
with,
show examples
 KSA , some recent studies that
taken
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
 schools as
Correct article usage
a feild
show examples
feild
Correct your spelling
field
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 that 66% of children between the
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 of 4 to 12
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
consaider
Correct your spelling
considered
 overweight .
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
show examples
,
Correct article usage
the saudi
show examples
saudi
Fix capitalization
Saudi
show examples
minstriy
Correct your spelling
Ministry
 of
education
Fix capitalization
Education
show examples
 in 2018 started to
bann
Correct your spelling
ban
high fat
Use the right word
high-fat
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 from school
cantens
Correct your spelling
canteens
.
Body · 2
After 2
yaers
Correct your spelling
years
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 banning
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high fat
Use the right word
high-fat
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 ,
The saudi
Use the right word
the Saudi
show examples
minstry
Correct your spelling
Ministry
 of
education
Fix capitalization
Education
show examples
 found a
remarkble
Correct your spelling
remarkable
 drop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
precentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of the oibes children from 66% to 42% only from changing the eating routine of the
studients
Correct your spelling
students
.
Body · 3
In the
modren
Correct your spelling
modern
 world ,
Espcily
Correct your spelling
especially
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
there
Punctuation problem
, there
show examples
 are
allwoing
Correct your spelling
allowing
 every kind of
food
Use synonyms
 for all
studient
Correct your spelling
students
 and it
is had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a big influins badly on
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 health .
Conclusion
In my personal
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
bannin
Correct your spelling
banning
 the bad
food
Use synonyms
 in schools .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay with a clear note of what you will say. Start with a short line that states your view. Then list the main ideas that will back it.
coherence
Some post ideas should be in separate paragraphs. Each para has one main idea and a link to the next.
content
Include a short view that opposes your side and then say why you still agree. This shows balance.
content
Use simple facts and numbers in a clear way. When you give data, say where it comes from and what it shows.
coherence
Use linking words to show order. Such as First, Also, But, Therefore, In addition, In conclusion.
content
You give your opinion and you try to give a fact from a country.
opinion
You use some real data to talk about the outcome of the ban.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: