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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The table gives information about department and online stores in Australia in 2011.

The table gives information about department and online stores in Australia in 2011.
The table provides information about
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 and online
stores
Use synonyms
 in Australia in 2011, comparing the number of businesses, profit, sales revenue, and growth.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 online
stores
Use synonyms
 accounted for the largest share across all categories,
while
Linking Words
 the
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 consistently reported lower figures in every area.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a significant difference was observed in the number of businesses, with online
stores
Use synonyms
 at 368, which was more than five times the figure for traditional
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 (67). Following that, a similar pattern can be seen in terms of profit, with online shops earning 863
AUD
Use synonyms
, compared with a slight decline at 807
AUD
Use synonyms
 for traditional
department
Use synonyms
 shops.
Moreover
Linking Words
, online
stores
Use synonyms
 outperformed
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
 in sales revenue, with 13,400
AUD
Use synonyms
 for the former and 12,700
AUD
Use synonyms
 for the latter.
Finally
Linking Words
, regarding growth, online shops
also
Linking Words
 had the advantage, reaching 0.6%, and only 0.4% was documented in
department
Use synonyms
stores
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words department, stores, aud with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • revenue
  • customer satisfaction
  • product range
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • observable trends
  • shopping habits
  • preferences
  • traditional department stores
  • online shopping
  • significant differences
  • comparison
  • examination
  • analysis
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