IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.

The charts below show the average temperatures in 12 months in three cities and how many hours of sunshine these cities have in a year.
The line graph illustrates the average heat in a
year
Use synonyms
 from three cities from different countries, and
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
 shows the
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine
anually
Correct your spelling
annually
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
London
Use synonyms
 and
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
York
Use synonyms
having more bright
Replace the word
have brighter
show examples
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 from April to September,
while
Linking Words
 other
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of the
year
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 more darkness.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sydney has nearly average
temprature
Correct your spelling
temperature
 throughout the
year
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
York
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the highest
suuny
Correct your spelling
sunny
hours
Use synonyms
 in the
year
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
York
Use synonyms
 and
London
Use synonyms
 have similar
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 for weather,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
London
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 nearly 9
hours
Use synonyms
 in January and increasing till May and
then
Linking Words
 having
fluctuating
Correct article usage
a fluctuating
show examples
 trend for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 three months and again darkness starting till
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of the
year
Use synonyms
 and reaching about
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 point in December.
Moreover
Linking Words
.
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
York
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 5 per cent
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
start
Correct article usage
the start
show examples
 of the period
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 increasing to top
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 30
percentage
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in July,
then
Linking Words
start
Wrong verb form
starts
show examples
 falling and
touch
Verb problem
reaches
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 lowest level in December.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sydney
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
temrature
Correct your spelling
temperature
 and
range
Correct subject-verb agreement
ranges
show examples
 between 15 to around 25.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
London
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
shiney
Correct your spelling
shiny
hours
Use synonyms
 compared to other cities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
York
Use synonyms
 has 2535 the highest sunshine
Use synonyms
hours
Punctuation problem
hours,
show examples
 followed by Sydney with 2473, and
London
Use synonyms
 with 1158.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
â–Ľ
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
â–Ľ
Vocabulary: Replace the words year, hours, london, york with synonyms.
â–Ľ
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
â–Ľ
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
â–Ľ
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
â–Ľ
What to do next:
Look at other essays: