IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Across the world, local shops are closing due to losing customers to online competitors. What problems does this produce? And what solutions can you suggest to overcome them?

All over the world, local stores are closing down because of the online markets.
This
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 creates a lot of problems: like a big growth of unemployment in those countries, and the only solution which the government can offer is to propose more workplaces. Across the world popularity of online shops is growing so fast, causing a big number of problems for governments,
due to
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 growing unemployment. To reduce it, the government must make some changes to provide more jobs or add some taxes to online sales.
For instance
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, in the UK the lethargy rate grew to 62% since 2019, in fact that local stores were closing, because people prefer online alternatives .
This
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 result is dangerous for citizens and produces a lot of poverty , and the economy declines in general. A long-term solution to
this
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 problem is to add more workplaces in
this
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 sphere, just like pickup points for online stores or upgrade mail with a bigger terminal.
Secondly
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, the government should add some taxes for online businesses, which can help the economy and reduce
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 popularity.
Last
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 but not least, to educate people about
this
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 type of market and teach them how to purchase things from it.
For example
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, in my school, we had some lectures about it. In conclusion,
this
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 problem has generally led to an increase in unemployment and poverty across all segments of the population.
However
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, the solution lies in educating people, changing taxes and laws, and creating more jobs by modernising online markets and related areas
such
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 as the postal service.

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plan
Make a short plan before you write.
idea
Use one main idea in each paragraph.
fact
Add real life facts or evidence to show the point.
grammar
Check the language for mistakes.
content
The essay shows clear talk about a problem and a plan to fix it.
structure
It ends with a clear end that repeats the idea of fix.
content
It gives some real ideas to use in school.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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