Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the modern working world, corporate
work
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is very popular among workers. Some might say that younger staff should be promoted to bigger positions,
such
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as directors or managers, rather than older
people
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. I personally strongly disagree with
this
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statement, and
this
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essay will describe my personal reasons to support my opinion.
Firstly
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, there are various factors that make someone a leader, but the significant reason is
work
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experience. The most senior staff have intense experience in their
work
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field.
For instance
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, doctors are a career that clearly depicts the hierarchy of
work
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profession levels. When doctors are freshly graduated, they are just general physicians. They need to follow residents, who studied specialised fields.
Nevertheless
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, residents must follow fellows, who have genuinely in-depth knowledge more than them. Most of
this
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hierarchy depends on years of studying;
thus
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, junior medical staff have insufficient knowledge compared to residents or fellows.
Moreover
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, something more important than
work
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knowledge is decision-making skills. Some junior workers are inadequate in
this
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type of skill
due to
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their
work
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experience, their immaturity, and their personal perspective as well. Some seniors are good at decision-making because of their age and past experiences.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that age is not the main reason to promote someone as a leader. There are many young
people
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who are talented in both hard and soft skills. The results of
work
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are the most important factor in promoting someone to be a leader.
Moreover
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, perspective and personal traits are always counted in
this
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factor.
To sum up
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, I disagree with
people
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who say younger
people
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are better to be promoted to directors or managers than older workers. In my point of view, they should promote
people
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based on the quality of their
work
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, their hard and soft skills, and their personal traits and perspectives on
work
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.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments, especially in sections where you discuss work experience and decision-making skills.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to create smoother transitions between points to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
Task Achievement
While your arguments are valid, delimiting the discussion around younger people's skills would create a balanced perspective to bolster your main arguments.
Task Achievement
Strong rationale for valuing work experience in leadership positions, well-supported by relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear overall structure with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Wealth of experience
  • Historical knowledge
  • Fresh perspectives
  • Innovative ideas
  • Adaptability
  • Technological advancements
  • Team cohesion
  • Morale
  • Calculated risks
  • Significant advancements
  • Mentorship
  • Transfer of knowledge
  • Energy and drive
  • Refined decision-making skills
  • Younger workforce
  • Leadership development
  • Organizational dynamics
  • Risk-taking mindset
  • Change management
  • Intergenerational collaboration
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