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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that hard work and dedication bring success in life, others think other factors, such as appearance and chance are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In
this
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 day and age, almost everyone in the line of achieving
success
Use synonyms
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 their best to find major contributing factors in reaching to accomplishment.
While
Linking Words
 there are different
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 over the main factors playing a key role in achieving
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
success
Use synonyms
, I personally believe it is each factor has its own share. It is argued that, on the one hand, perseverance and commitment can bring
success
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
. Proponents of
this
Linking Words
 argument have two reasons for
this
Linking Words
.
First,
Linking Words
successful
people
Use synonyms
’s viewpoints are the best source to be cited for finding the reasons. As many celebrities and well-known individuals in different career fields in their
interview
Fix the agreement mistake
interviews
show examples
 with
press
Correct article usage
the press
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 have
said
Punctuation problem
said,
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 the main factors that helped them reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
success
Use synonyms
 are
industrious
Replace the word
industriousness
show examples
 and devotion. For another, undoubtedly,
people
Use synonyms
 in one aspect of their life reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 quote at least: “ practice makes perfect.” To
contextualize
Use the right word
contextualise
show examples
 the case, when someone
try
Correct subject-verb agreement
tries
show examples
 to be
expert
Correct article usage
an expert
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 as a musician, they must spend a great deal of their time learning
that
Correct determiner usage
a
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 musical instrument
such
Linking Words
 as
violin
Correct article usage
the violin
show examples
. Perhaps because of
this
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, the number of
people
Use synonyms
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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specialist
Fix the agreement mistake
specialists
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 and famous all around the world is no longer high.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
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 and dedication
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 mainly perceived to achieve
success
Use synonyms
. Having said that, there are a large number of talented
people
Use synonyms
 who reach accomplishment with the help of their background talents that sometimes can be seen as a
chance
Use synonyms
 and some
appearance
Correct word choice
physical appearance
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features
Use synonyms
. To put the case into
perspective
Punctuation problem
perspective,
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 many actors and actresses
world wide
Use the right word
worldwide
show examples
, in the first step, to be able to be chosen for a movie or
advertisement
Punctuation problem
advertisement,
show examples
 have been selected by their appearance traits. Needless to say,
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 , they have to work hard and enhance their capability. But without having the first feature, facial
features
Use synonyms
 and aesthetics, they cannot enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 career.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some background talents
necessary
Verb problem
are necessary
show examples
 to achieve
success
Use synonyms
,
exciting mostly
Rephrase
especially
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 in well-off
housholds
Correct your spelling
households
 and many
people
Use synonyms
 define them as a
chance
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, those who want to be
astronaut
Correct article usage
an astronaut
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 need to have some special body
features
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 height, perfectly healthy teeth and many physical
features
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
Use synonyms
features
Fix the agreement mistake
feature
show examples
 is related to the genetic and some facilities that wealthy families can afford to provide for their children.
As a result
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, these children achieve their goals and
success
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 it
impossible
Verb problem
is impossible
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 for many others.
Therefore
Linking Words
, being talented and having
Use synonyms
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 cannot be perceived
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 be main
features
Use synonyms
 for reaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they have their own effects. In conclusion, I personally believe that
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 and devotion make a huge contribution to
success
Use synonyms
, but we can still allocate a substantial share to appearance
features
Use synonyms
 and some innate talents that bring the
chance
Use synonyms
 to pass
successful
Replace the word
successfully
show examples
way
Check wording
apply
show examples
faster than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others.

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task
Your essay asks for both views and your own. Some ideas are not fully clear. Add one clear point for each side and one solid example to back it up.
coherence
Make a simple plan before you write: short intro, one paragraph for each view, a clear opinion, and a short end.
coherence
Use easy link words to show the order of ideas: First, Also, But, For example, In sum.
lang
Keep sentences simple and not too long. Check where a sentence ends so the meaning is clear.
content
You show both sides and give your own view.
structure
There is a plan and a clear end line.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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