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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below gives information about U.S. government spending on research between 1980 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about U.S. government spending on research between 1980 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph gives data about the US government's research spending on research during the decade from 1980 to 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the chart is that a great amount of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 was spent on health research,
while
Linking Words
 a small amount of money was spent on general science over the given period. Looking at the details, as regards
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on health started at about 7
billion
Use synonyms
 in
1980
Punctuation problem
1980,
show examples
 followed by a small decrease to 6
billion
Use synonyms
 in 1988.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it experienced a significant increase to around 22
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2004, it declined to 18
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2008.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the amount of money spent on space, general science, energy and other areas has increased, but not so much as
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on health. As for
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on space started at about 6
billion
Use synonyms
 in 1980
dollars
Use synonyms
, followed by a slight decline to 5
billion
Use synonyms
 in 19804,
then
Linking Words
 it remained stable by 1992. After that, it rose to just under approximately 9
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2008. Between 1980 and 1992, the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on energy was 5
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
subsequently
Add a comma
subsequently,
show examples
 it showed a decline to 5
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2000 before it rose to 7
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, it experienced a small rise to 7
billion
Use synonyms
 in 2008. In terms of
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on general science started at 3
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
, followed by a fluctuation increase to 5
billion
Use synonyms
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2008.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, billion, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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