IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is a fact that overpopulation is ubiquitous worldwide. Certain governmental authorities are stimulating occupations and
people
Use synonyms
 to relocate from city
areas
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 to the countryside. I believe the drawbacks of
this
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 proposition are more than the benefits for valid reasons.
To begin
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 with, one significant drawback of industrialization is that it will pollute the environment.
For example
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, a rural area that I know had clean air and water before the relocation of industries and
people
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 into
this
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 area, but now has severe air and water
pollution
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.
This
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 is because green trees and forests need to be cut to accommodate these developments into villages which
laeds
Correct your spelling
leads
 to environmental
pollution
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. Another disadvantage of
this
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 phenomenon is that
people
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 will face challenges of infrastructure, a village does not have enough transport, health care and educational infrastructure to provide a good quality of life for the large population.
While
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 it can not be denied that shifting
people
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 and businesses from cities can reduce traffic congestion and
pollution
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 in urban
areas
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,
however
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 doing
this
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 can shift these problems to rural
areas
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.
For instance
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, it is observed that when factories relocate to rural regions, it can lead to an increase in local traffic. To address
this
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, the governments should have city development plans
instead
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 of outsourcing city problems to villages.
Furthermore
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, increased industrialization and
overall
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 population
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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led to reduced agriculture.
This
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 will not only decrease the amount of food grains but
also
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 increase inflation in food prices. In conclusion,
while
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 the relocation of
people
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 and businesses has some advantages for urban centres, rural
areas
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 are negatively affected because of environmental
pollution
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 and infrastructural problems. I,
hence
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, will not recommend
this
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 migration from cities to villages.

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task achievement
While your introduction does a good job of introducing the topic and stating your position, make sure that your main points are clearly outlined. This will help guide the reader through your essay from the start.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, but focus on making all sentences relevant and specific to the topic. Adding detailed examples can further support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Aim to increase the logical flow between paragraphs. Use clear transitions to link one idea to the next, helping the reader follow your argument effortlessly.
coherence cohesion
Supporting each main point with more detailed evidence and explanation can make your arguments stronger. Also, make sure each main point directly relates to your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, making your overall position clear to the reader.
task achievement
You have made a honest effort to address both the positive and negative aspects of the argument, showing a balanced view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • urban congestion
  • quality of life
  • pollution
  • infrastructure
  • public services
  • economic development
  • job opportunities
  • local economies
  • affordable housing
  • standard of living
  • well-being
  • isolation
  • amenities
  • healthcare
  • education facilities
  • entertainment facilities
  • community ties
  • social networks
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • development
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