IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The quality of life in big cities is becoming worse. What are the reasons for this problem. What can be done to deal with this problem?

Over recent decades, life satisfaction levels among city dwellers in metropolitan areas
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 noticeably
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
. It's undeniable that the domino effects of
overpopulation
Use synonyms
 and
urbanization
Use the right word
urbanisation
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
declining
Replace the word
decline
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I think it could be tackled by some actions can be implemented by the government.
let
Fix capitalization
Let
show examples
 us start with the ripple effects of
overpopulation
Use synonyms
. In recent years, many people migrate to big cities in order to
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 better job opportunities and
continuing
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
 their studies.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 high
population
Use synonyms
 density
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a long chain of problems
such
Linking Words
 as traffic congestion
housing
Punctuation problem
, housing
show examples
 shortage
pressure
Punctuation problem
, pressure
show examples
 on public
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
,
so
Correct word choice
and so
show examples
 on. Environmental issues
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 another part
that is
Linking Words
 widely increasing and can significantly overshadow
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 physical and mental health through air pollution
creating
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 vehicles
fossil
Punctuation problem
, fossil
show examples
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 noise pollution
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 stems from traffic congestion. Allocating free space to buildings for new settlers
instead
Linking Words
 of green space can definitely exacerbate
this
Linking Words
 situation. Turning to the solution, dealing with
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 chain of problems needs some practical actions
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
be only
Correct word order
only be
show examples
 implemented by the government.
First,
Linking Words
it's obvious
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 most important and practical solution is to reduce
Correct article usage
the immigrants
show examples
immigrants
Fix the agreement mistake
immigrant
show examples
population
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 big cities
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it needs to improve
infrastructures
Fix the agreement mistake
infrastructure
show examples
 in urban areas
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 involves job creation and development of educational facilities.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Execution
Correct article usage
the Execution
show examples
 of some strict environmental policies can drive Industries to acutely supervise their actions. To put the case into perspective
all
Punctuation problem
, all
show examples
 factories and Industries have to be responsible for
elimination
Correct article usage
the elimination
show examples
 of their industrial emissions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they must
also
Linking Words
 manage their industrial waste.
Therefore
Linking Words
, by reducing the
population
Use synonyms
 of immigrants and reducing the
negatives
Fix the agreement mistake
negative
show examples
 effects of industries developed
due to
Linking Words
overpopulation
Use synonyms
 on the
environment
Punctuation problem
environment,
show examples
 we can hope these chain problems to be remedied. In conclusion,
overpopulation
Use synonyms
 and
urbanization
Use the right word
urbanisation
show examples
 could be the most important reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 reducing
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of citizens'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 could be solved by
declining
Replace the word
a decline
show examples
 in
Correct article usage
the immigrants
show examples
immigrants
Fix the agreement mistake
immigrant
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 and enacting some strict rules by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.

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structure
Start with a clear plan. In the first part state the two main ideas. In the second part give a plan that fits the idea. Use two or three big ideas only.
grammar
Make sentences shorter and check grammar. Use simple verb forms and add periods. Avoid long, run on lines.
content
Add facts or small examples to back each point, like how better buses or more parks can help life in a city.
tone
Be careful with words about people. If you speak of immigration, keep the tone neutral and speak about growth and planning, not people.
content
The idea that overpopulation brings more problems is clear.
structure
The writer tries to cover causes and ways to fix them.
language
There are some good links between ideas and policy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Overpopulation
  • Strained resources
  • Commute times
  • Economic stress
  • Community events
  • Affordable housing
  • Environmental regulations
  • Green spaces
  • Urban environments
  • Socialize
  • Foster
  • Tackle
  • Strategies
  • Implementing
  • Pollution
What to do next:
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