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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, advertisers increase the amount of advertising that tries to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents object to such pressure on children. But some advertisers claim that there is useful information in these advertisements. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In many countries, the prevalence of advertising has expanded considerably, with a growing number of campaigns designed to persuade
children
Use synonyms
 to purchase snacks, toys, and other products.
While
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 many parents disapprove of
this
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 trend, arguing that it places unnecessary pressure on
children
Use synonyms
, advertisers maintain that their promotions provide useful information.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand, parental concerns about child-targeted advertising are entirely justified. Young audiences are particularly vulnerable, as they lack the maturity and critical thinking skills to evaluate commercial messages objectively.
Consequently
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, they may develop impulsive purchasing habits or waste money on unnecessary goods.
Moreover
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, frequent exposure to advertisements for unhealthy snacks can contribute to serious health problems
such
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 as obesity, dental decay, and poor dietary patterns. Beyond physical consequences, advertising may
also
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 instil materialistic values, leading
children
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 to equate happiness with constant consumption. For these reasons, parents argue that stricter monitoring of
children
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’s media use is essential.
On the other hand
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, advertising undeniably plays an important role in modern economies. It serves as a vital channel of communication, offering product information that helps consumers make informed choices. By raising brand awareness and stimulating competition, advertising
also
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 contributes significantly to economic development. From
this
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 perspective, exposure to advertising is not entirely negative and can sometimes even be educational.
However
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, the tendency of companies to exaggerate product quality or omit harmful effects cannot be ignored.
Such
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 practices often lead to disappointment and foster widespread scepticism toward commercial messages. In conclusion,
although
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 advertising provides information and supports economic growth, its potential to manipulate young and impressionable audiences is deeply concerning. I believe a balanced approach is required
:
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 governments should regulate advertisements directed at
children
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,
while
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 parents guide their
children
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 to interpret these messages critically. In
this
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 way, society can benefit from the informative aspects of advertising
while
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 minimising its harmful effects.

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task
The essay answers the task well and has both sides and a clear view.
task
Use more real examples to back each point.
coherence
Make links from one idea to the next with simple but clear words.
coherence
Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence and stay on one main idea.
coherence
Try to use a wider range of simple linking words for flow.
task
Clear view and balanced talk on both sides.
coherence
Good flow and clear logic between parts.
structure
Intro and conclusion present a full answer.
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