IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some high schools require all students to wear school uniforms. Other high schools permit students to decide what to wear to school. Which of these two school policies do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Student's
Check wording
Students'
show examples
 clothing in an educational institution plays a vital role in shaping
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 personality.Some
schools
Use synonyms
 permit the pupils to decide what to wear;
however
Linking Words
, some mandate
uniforms
Use synonyms
 for everyone. In my perspective, making
uniforms
Use synonyms
 compulsory is better because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it creates a
sense
Use synonyms
 of equality
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, leaving the decision about what to wear
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 the
students
Use synonyms
 leads to
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of insecurity and unhealthy competition. The candidates coming from
wealthy
Correct article usage
a wealthy
show examples
background
Use synonyms
 wear more branded clothes, leading to a
sense
Use synonyms
 of inferiority for their fellows from moderate or
under privilidge
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
 families.
For instance
Linking Words
, I was studying with
students
Use synonyms
 coming from
well known
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
 families; in a school without
uniform
Correct article usage
a uniform
show examples
. I often felt uneasy about my clothes and
appearence
Correct your spelling
appearance
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 which required
uniforms
Use synonyms
 helped to create a
sense
Use synonyms
 of equality. Because everyone looked the same, regardless of their
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
background
Use synonyms
, which made
students
Use synonyms
 feel confident
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and comfortable
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
without having to worry about branded clothing.
For example
Linking Words
, in India all the
schools
Use synonyms
 require
uniforms
Use synonyms
, in order to be considerate, and
emphathetic
Correct your spelling
empathetic
 towards
students
Use synonyms
 from different financial
Use synonyms
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
making
Wrong verb form
it makes
show examples
 the
students
Use synonyms
 focus solely on their studies rather than
clothing
Change preposition
on clothing
show examples
. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
uniforms
Use synonyms
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
 a
sense
Use synonyms
 of unity among the
students
Use synonyms
; without having to worry about their
background
Use synonyms
, and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to concentrate more on the studies than outer appearance.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 with mandatory
uniforms
Use synonyms
 shape confident
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
high achieving
Use the right word
high-achieving
show examples
 individuals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Fix spelling and make small errors clear. Use simple, correct sentences so ideas are easy to read.
content
Add more strong reasons. Give more than one clear idea and support each with a simple example.
structure
Make the links between ideas clearer. Use bridges like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'however', 'in addition'.
structure
Write one clear point in each paragraph and end with a short, strong conclusion.
content
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
content
The essay uses a real life example to support a point.
structure
The flow from sentence to sentence is fairly easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • peer pressure
  • bullying
  • community spirit
  • student engagement
  • morning routine
  • self-expression
  • individuality
  • personal style
  • academic performance
  • casual dress
  • clothing choices
  • social equality
  • school policies
  • uniform regulations
  • comfort levels
  • discipline
  • school identity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: