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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two charts below show the proportion of qualified graduates in a particular country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two charts below show the proportion of qualified graduates in a particular country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pie charts below give information about
graduations
Replace the word
graduates
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 in per cent in a country in 1980 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
change
Correct article usage
the change
show examples
 charts experienced different results in both years.
Use synonyms
Master
Check wording
Master's
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Science
Use synonyms
 was leading in 1980
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
,
PhD
Use synonyms
Arts
Use synonyms
 had the lowest figure
on
Change preposition
during
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 that period.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
PhD
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
 became only 1% higher
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
Master
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
, dominating in 2008, and
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
PhD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
arts
Fix capitalization
Arts
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 was still the lowest by that time. First Degree
Science
Use synonyms
 experienced no change in both years. As the pie chart shows,
Master
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
 was dominating among graduates, having 29% in 1980. First Degree had 19% in the same year. They both experienced no change in 2008. Regarding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
PhD
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
 was only 13% in
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 1980, and
then
Linking Words
 it had a huge increase, reaching 30% and dominating by the year 2008.
Master
Use synonyms
Arts
Use synonyms
 was really low compared to others (12%), and had a slight upward trend for only 1%. First Degree
Arts
Use synonyms
 was 25% in 1980, but it saw a decrease,
downing
Verb problem
dropping
show examples
 to 11% in 2008. But
PhD
Use synonyms
Arts
Use synonyms
 was 2%, and
however
Linking Words
, it became 7% in 2008, having about a triple increase.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words master, science, phd, arts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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