IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The two charts below show the proportion of qualified graduates in a particular country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two charts below show the proportion of qualified graduates in a particular country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pie charts given compare the percentage of qualified
graduates
Use synonyms
 in two separate years in one country.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the
first
Use synonyms
 year, the
Master
Use synonyms
's
Science
Use synonyms
 was dominant among all other sections,
while
Linking Words
PhD
Use synonyms
Arts
Use synonyms
 had the lowest proportion of
graduates
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the
Master
Use synonyms
's
Science
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged over the period, the
PhD
Use synonyms
Science
Use synonyms
 dramatically increased in the proportion of
graduates
Use synonyms
. In 1980,
Master
Use synonyms
's
science
Use synonyms
 had considerably higher proportions of qualified
graduates
Use synonyms
 (29%). The second figure was the
First
Use synonyms
 degree
arts
Use synonyms
 with 25%,
this
Linking Words
 was followed by the
First
Use synonyms
 degree
science
Use synonyms
, which was relatively lower and had 19% of
graduates
Use synonyms
. Notably, the other three figures were the least popular among
graduates
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they were
PhD
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
,
Master
Use synonyms
's
arts
Use synonyms
 and
Phd
Use synonyms
arts
Use synonyms
 , which had only 13%, 12% and 2%, respectively. The picture was very different in 2008,
while
Linking Words
 both
Master
Use synonyms
's
science
Use synonyms
 and
First
Use synonyms
 degree
science
Use synonyms
 did not experience any changes in percentages and still had 29% and 19% of
graduates
Use synonyms
, the
PhD
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
 overtook dominance and showed a significant rise in the figures and reached 30%. Interestingly, the proportions of
graduates
Use synonyms
 in
first
Use synonyms
-degree
arts
Use synonyms
 slightly fell and reached 11% as well ,
while
Linking Words
master
Use synonyms
's
arts
Use synonyms
 increased by only 1% ( 13%).
Lastly
Linking Words
,
PhD
Use synonyms
arts
Use synonyms
 showed a marginal increase in the percentage of
graduates
Use synonyms
 (7%).

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, first, master, science, phd, arts with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: