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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The maps below show part of a village in 1910, and the same part of that village in 2010

The maps below show part of a village in 1910, and the same part of that village in 2010
The two maps compare the changes in a
part
Use synonyms
 of the
village
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 between 1910 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, within a hundred years, the number of
houses
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 increased and added new facilities,
while
Linking Words
 some of them were eliminated.
To begin
Linking Words
 with , on the northern side of the
village
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 , there was a post office , and opposite
of
Change preposition
apply
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it , there was a
house
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 on the
school
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road
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the southeast
part
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 of the
village
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, on
School
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Road
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Punctuation problem
,
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had a
school
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 and a butcher in 1910.
In addition
Linking Words
, High Street had two
houses
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. Turning to the middle
part
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 of the
village
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 , which was in the shape of a triangle, there was a large
house
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 , surrounded by trees.
Additionally
Linking Words
, on the right corner , there was a baker ,
while
Linking Words
 on the left corner was a grocer, and between these two shops was a
house
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. Regarding the map of Shalton
village
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 in 2010, the post office remained unchanged
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, the
houses
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 were built on London
Road
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. In
high
Correct article usage
the high
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 street
also
Linking Words
 the number of
houses
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also
Linking Words
 increased. Moving into
School
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Use synonyms
road
Fix capitalization
Road
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, only the building of the
school
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 remained unchanged,
while
Linking Words
 the building of the butcher was reconstructed into a supermarket and parking,
instead
Linking Words
 of the
house
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 bank was built. Moving into the middle
part
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 of the
village
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, top of it ,
houses
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 were built
instead
Linking Words
 of a large
house
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, where residents can enter by London
Road
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,
Punctuation problem
.
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Additionally
Linking Words
,
on
Change preposition
in
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 the left corner was located a cafe. And next to the cafe , there were
houses
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 on the right side, which were replaced grocer and a baker.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally, also, instead, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words part, village, houses, house, school, road with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "unchanged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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