IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A a result of tourism and increasing number of people traveling, there is growing demands for more flights. What problem does this have on environment? What measures should be taken?

Nowadays, tourists are travelling from
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
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 to
countries
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country
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 thanks to modern methods of
voyage
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travel
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 like
aeroplane
Fix the agreement mistake
aeroplanes
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 in effect has increased the necessity of more and more
flights
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on what environmental effects are caused by increased numbers of air travel and possible ways to tackle them. First of all, an increased number of
flights
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 an increased emission of harmful
gases
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. Elaborately, when planes
fly
Punctuation problem
fly,
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 they release dangerous
gases
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 like CO2 as a byproduct of their internal combustion process. It's pertinent to mention that
gases
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 like CO2 are primarily responsible for global warming. When they are released into the air, they rise up and create an outer layer above our atmosphere.
As a result
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, there is an obstruction in
transmission
Correct article usage
the transmission
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 of heat and
thus
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 hindering
Correct article usage
the earth's
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earth's
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Earth's
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 natural cooling process.
Secondly
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,
flights
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 generally run on fossil fuels
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are extracted beneath the ground
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 more
flights
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 require more
fuel
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. Obviously, it would require more extraction of fossil
fuel
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 beneath the ground and
further
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 exploitation of
Correct article usage
the earth
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earth
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earth's
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 soil for new sources. It's very unfortunate that the process maintained therein is very harmful
for
Change preposition
to
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 the
environment
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. Now, it's pertinent to mention the possible solutions to these problems. It's expected that
airlines
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aircraft
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 manufacturers will come up with alternative
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fuel
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fuels
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 which is free from emitting
nocuous
Use the right word
noxious
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gases
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 like CO2. A cleaner form of
fuel
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 means a
lesser
Correct word choice
lower
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 chance
to damage
Change preposition
of damaging
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 the
environment
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. And
also
Linking Words
, alternative sources of energy
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
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lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 dependency on fossil
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fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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. When there is a reduced demand for fossil
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fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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, certainly there would be
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 production.
As a result
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, our
environment
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 could return to its best position by alleviating all the
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 we
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 already done. So in conclusion, it's obvious that travelling by air frequently causes
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
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 to our
environment
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 we should act more responsibly by introducing cleaner
fuel
Use synonyms
.

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task
The essay meets the task by talking about causes and ways to fix the problem.
task
Add more fact or proof to back up ideas; try to give clean, simple numbers or simple data.
task
Some science in the essay is not exact; say that CO2 traps heat in the air, which warms the land, in simple words.
task
End with a stronger finish that restates the main idea.
coherence
Use simple links to show how ideas move from one to the next; avoid long, unclear sentences.
coherence
Keep each paragraph on one main idea; start with a short topic line for each para.
coherence
Check grammar and shorten long sentences to avoid mistakes.
structure
Clear plan with intro, body and conclusion
cohesion
Good use of order words like Firstly and Secondly
content
Ideas are explained in simple, easy to follow words

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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