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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014

The graph below shows the average monthly change in the prices of three metals during 2014
The line chart illustrates the
changing
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
prices
Use synonyms
 on average of three metals in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
prices
Use synonyms
 were changed every month for three
for three
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
metals (
copper
Use synonyms
,
nickel
Use synonyms
 and
zinc
Use synonyms
).
Nickel
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 fell
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rapidly
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
zinc
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 increased rather
than
Change preposition
unlike
show examples
copper
Use synonyms
 and
nickel
Use synonyms
. The
price
Use synonyms
 of
copper
Use synonyms
 was 2% in
January
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was the
second highest
Use the right word
second-highest
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 at that time.After
January
Use synonyms
, it decreased slowly until May.In May and
June
Use synonyms
,the
price
Use synonyms
percentage
Use synonyms
 was stable.
After
Change preposition
From
show examples
June
Use synonyms
 to
December
Punctuation problem
December,
show examples
 the
price
Use synonyms
ups
Check wording
went up
show examples
 and
downs
Replace the word
down
show examples
,and
December
Change preposition
in December
show examples
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 reached around 1.5%.The pricing
rate
Use synonyms
 decreased
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Use synonyms
.In
January
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
Nickel
Correct article usage
the Nickel
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 was the highest between
copper
Use synonyms
 and
zinc
Use synonyms
,and the
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 6%.After
January
Use synonyms
, the
price
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 of
Nickel
Use synonyms
 rapidly decreased until
June
Use synonyms
 at -3% which was the lowest
price
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
over
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
year
Use synonyms
.After
June
Use synonyms
, it increased
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the next month its again remained stable
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 again ups and downs.In December, it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1% which was the lowest metal
percentage
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Use synonyms
. At
last
Linking Words
,
Zinc
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
price
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 in
January
Use synonyms
 compared to the other two.The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
zinc
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
ups
Wrong verb form
goes up
show examples
 and down until October to
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
-1%.The
last
Linking Words
 two months of the
year
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reached around 1.5% and 2% which was the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words prices, copper, nickel, zinc, price, january, june, percentage, rate, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average monthly change
  • prices of metals
  • trend
  • spike
  • fluctuation
  • increase
  • decrease
  • sharp rise
  • sharp fall
  • stability
  • volatility
  • data points
  • comparison
  • contrast
  • external factors
  • influences
  • market dynamics
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