IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The bar shows the percentage of people going to cinemas in one European country on different days.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of cinema attendance in a European country on each day of the week in 2003, 2005, and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, weekends attracted far more cinema-goers than weekdays, with Saturday clearly dominating. Friday was the only day that remained unchanged across years
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 several weekdays experienced notable fluctuations. Saturday consistently recorded the highest figures, rising from about 40% in 2003 to 45% in 2005, before slightly lower to 43% in 2007. Sunday
also
Linking Words
 attracted a relatively large audience, at around one-third of the population.
By contrast
Linking Words
, weekday attendances were far lower.
For example
Linking Words
, Monday ranged between 10% and 14%, and Wednesday fell dramatically from 17% in 2003 to 7% in 2007, the lowest point. The proportion of audiences on Friday still remained unchanged at 30% across three years. Meanwhile, it witnessed some minor fluctuations around 7% to 20% on Tuesday and Thursday

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Task response: add a clear overall view and a short ending. Try to state what the chart shows in one line at the start and finish with a short conclusion.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: link ideas with simple join words to show change over time, use a new paragraph for the overview and for detail sentences.
style
General check: keep to simple words from the top 100 list, keep numbers close to the chart, and use the same words for days.
content
Clear idea that weekends have higher numbers than weekdays.
organization
Good structure with intro, overview, and details.
data
Use of numbers for key days (Saturday and Sunday).

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: