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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

Youth
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 need to distinguish
right
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 and wrong at a relatively young age. Some argue that
punishment
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 is essential to help
children
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 learn the differences
,
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.
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 I believe
punishment
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 is required depending on the level of mistakes the
youth
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 made. It is undeniable to believe that
punishment
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 can be a motivational factor that prevents youngsters from taking the wrong action.
Additionally
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, the correct way of
punishment
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 can have a huge benefit on not only
children
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's cognitive skills, but
also
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 their social status. With the correct cognitive skills and social status, young adults are more likely to secure a job in the future market.
Thus
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, the importance of the
punishment
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 should not be overlooked.
However
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,
punishment
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 may have some drawbacks
on
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for
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youth
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 development. If
children
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 are exposed to a variety of situations, certain actions will be needed to make inferences from their experience, or at least what the
youth
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 think it is the
right
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 actions to take. By having severe reinforcement, young generations are unlikely to express themselves, which interrupts their later progress.
Nevertheless
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,
children
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 who behave well often require the efforts of both parents and teachers.
Instead
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 of hitting and striking their offspring, asking them to do some housework or cleaning seems to be fair for most of the young generation to perform. With the
right
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 punishments, young adults will soon
emerge
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develop
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 the correct mindset for their
further
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 achievement. Teachers,
on the other hand
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, should deliver some "difficult tasks" for
children
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 to tackle
while
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 providing step-by-step instructions if they are unable to solve them. In conclusion, reinforcement is required to take action by both parents and teachers to ensure the youngsters can distinguish
right
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 and wrong.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first part of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and link ideas in a smooth way.
lexical resource
Use simple words; avoid big or hard words not in common use.
examples
Give more clear and real examples to show how punishment can help or harm.
task response
End with a short, clear summary of your view.
grammar
Check grammar and spell common mistakes.
content
The essay shows a clear view and tries to discuss both sides.
coherence
There are useful points about house work and task steps as a form of discipline.
coherence
There are some good links between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
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