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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004.

The chart below shows the annual pay (thousands of US dollars) for doctors and other workers in seven countries in 2004.
The bar chart illustrates how much
salary
Use synonyms
 was paid for
doctors
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 and other workers in seven countries, including the US, Switzerland, Finland, Germany, the Czech
, Italy
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Republic, Italy
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, and France in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 the amount of money paid for people who worked in the US was the highest, the opposite was true for
doctors
Use synonyms
 in Finland. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that
doctors
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’ jobs always pay far more money than other workers in seven countries in 2004.
Doctors
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’ salaries and workers’ ones were by far the highest, peaking at 120 and 43
thousand
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 US
dollars
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 in the US. Switzerland and France had the same doctor’s
salary
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, with 70
thousand
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 US
dollars
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, the second point. Meanwhile, the amount of money paid for
doctors
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 in Finland is just about 50
thousand
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 US
dollars
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. In Germany,
Czech
Correct article usage
the Czech
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, and
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Republic, and
show examples
 Italy, the
salary
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 of
doctors
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 was one-third of their
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
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salary
Check wording
the salaries
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 of
doctors
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 were
paid
Verb problem
apply
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about 60
thousand
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 US
dollars
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their other workers
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 20
thousand
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 US
dollars
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words salary, doctors, thousand, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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