IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in 5 Australia cities

The charts below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in 5 Australia cities
This
Linking Words
 chart illustrates the detailed information about how
people
Use synonyms
 bought or drank
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 in 5 different
cities
Use synonyms
 in Australia
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that it was really common to go to a cafe for drinking
tea
Use synonyms
 and
coffee
Use synonyms
 among
people
Use synonyms
 in those five
cities
Use synonyms
. It was recorded that the lowest percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 tended to buy fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 at that time. Going out to a café for
tea
Use synonyms
 and
coffee
Use synonyms
 was much more popular in Melbourne and Hobart in the
last
Linking Words
 month.
Hence
Linking Words
, more than 60% of the population went to a café in
two
Check wording
apply
show examples
both
cities
Use synonyms
. These figures in Sydney, Brisbane and Hobart
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 around 60%, 55% and less than 50%, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, consuming fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 wasn’t
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
 at that time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, about a third of the
people
Use synonyms
 in Brisbane and Adelaide preferred to buy fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 noted to buy more fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in Sydney in comparison with other towns, their purchasing percentage was approximately 45%.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, Hobart displayed the
most
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
 amount of
record
Fix the agreement mistake
records
show examples
 in buying instant
coffee
Use synonyms
, which was about 55%. Following that, the rest of the
cities
Use synonyms
 presented lower figures
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 52% to 45% All in all,
it is clear that
Linking Words
while
Linking Words
 drinking
tea
Use synonyms
 or
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
café
Correct article usage
a café
show examples
 in all 5
cities
Use synonyms
 in Australia had more advocates, the amount of purchasing instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 was less than fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, coffee, tea, cities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: