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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.

The chart below shows global sales of the top five mobile phone brands between 2009 and 2013.
The par chart provides key information about
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the global sales of
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 five mobile phone
brans
Use the right word
brands
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, between 2009 and 2013. The units are measured in
millions
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that Samsung and Nokia had the largest shares of trades over the term.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Apple, LG,
ZTE
Correct word choice
and ZTE
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 had the minimal percentages.
According to
Linking Words
 what is seen, Samsung substantially grew, which started with around 230
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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, until
Correct pronoun usage
it reaches
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reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
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 about 450
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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, by the
edge
Check wording
end
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 of the period.
In addition
Linking Words
, Nokia showed a sharp decline,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 in 2009 with approximately
410millions
Correct your spelling
410 million
.
Then
Linking Words
 it fell to less than 250
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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 in 2013.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Apple came as the third company of sales, which significantly increased over the interval
, it
Punctuation problem
. It
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 began with around 20
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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,
Correct word choice
and afterward
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afterward
Fix the agreement mistake
afterwards
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,
surged
Correct pronoun usage
it surged
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 to above 140
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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.
LG
Correct word order
Both LG
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 and ZTE
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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both
Correct word order
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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had
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
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 rates. LG was about 110
Use synonyms
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
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 when
started
Correct pronoun usage
it started
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.
Then
Linking Words
, a steady
decreased
Replace the word
decrease
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is happened
Verb problem
occurred
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ZTE had the lowest proportion of profit among all companies
at
Change preposition
in
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 that
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global sales
  • Mobile phone brands
  • Market share
  • Trends
  • Growth
  • Decline
  • Technological advancements
  • Innovation
  • Consumer preferences
  • Demographics
  • Market dominance
  • Brand loyalty
  • Comparative analysis
  • Sales figures
  • Data interpretation
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