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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph shows data about the annual earnnings of 3 bakeries in calgary in 2000-2010

the graph shows data about the annual earnnings of 3 bakeries in calgary in 2000-2010
The graph shows
incomes
Correct article usage
the incomes
show examples
 of 3 bakeries in Calgary for
ten
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
year
Use the right word
ten-year
show examples
period
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, Amandine Bakery and Bolo Cakery had a similar trend for their incomes with a
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 Mary Bakeshop's earnings
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
declined over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Bolo Cakery
has
Verb problem
apply
show examples
had the lowest
income
Use synonyms
 compared to
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 bake
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 at the beginning. The
income
Use synonyms
 started to
multiples
Replace the word
multiply
show examples
 throughout the year,
then
Linking Words
 remained stable for four years from 2003 to 2006 and reached its peak in 2010 by around $620000. In the meantime, Amandine Bakery's
income
Use synonyms
begun
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
constant
Verb problem
to be constant
show examples
 for the first six years by almost $60000 and rapidly grew
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 more than $100000.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Mari Bakeshop's
strating
Correct your spelling
starting
 point was the highest among the
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
cakery
Use the right word
bakeries
show examples
, yet
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
 it
has been
Verb problem
was
show examples
 the lowest by $400000. 2004 was the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
income
Use synonyms
 started to rapidly
fell
Wrong verb form
fall
show examples
 throughout the given
period
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, income with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapidly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • annual earnings
  • trend
  • revenue
  • profit
  • fluctuations
  • significant
  • increase/decrease
  • peak
  • diverge/converge
  • strategy
  • market environment
  • competition
  • growth
  • performance
  • analysis
  • speculation
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