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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts show the proportion of holidaymakers of one region staying in different types of accommodation in three different years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show the proportion of holidaymakers of one region staying in different types of accommodation in three different years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
THE BAR CHARTS DEPICT VARIOUS SPOTS PEOPEL WERE ENJOYED DURING
HOLIDAYS
Use synonyms
ACCORDING TO
Linking Words
 THE SURVEY CONDUCTED OVER THREE YEARS BETWEEN 1965 TO 2005. FOR AN OVERVIEW, AT A GLANCE, IT IS TO BE NOTED THAT
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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PEOPLE
Use synonyms
 ENJOYED
HOLIDAYS
Use synonyms
 WITH FRIENDS OR
RELATIVES
Check wording
RELATIVES'
show examples
 HOUSES WAS THE
HIGEST
Correct your spelling
HIGHEST
 ONE IN ONE PIE CHART
Linking Words
WHEREAS
Punctuation problem
, WHEREAS
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 IN THE OTHER TWO CHARTS
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
CHOOSE
Wrong verb form
CHOSE
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 TO STAY IN
HOTEL
Correct article usage
A HOTEL
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 ON
HOLIDAYS
Use synonyms
.
TO BEGIN
Linking Words
 WITH, 100 OUT OF 37 PER
CENT
Use synonyms
 CELEBRATED THE
HOLIDAYS
Use synonyms
 WITH FRIENDS AND RELATIVES IN THE YEAR 1965, AND
OTHER
Correct article usage
THE OTHER
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 36 PERCENT OF THE
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
CHOOSE
Wrong verb form
CHOSE
show examples
 HOTELS IN THE SAME YEAR. THE
REAMINING
Correct your spelling
REMAINING
 TWO HOLIDAY SPOTS
TYPES
Punctuation problem
, TYPES
show examples
 CAMPING AND
CARAVANS
Punctuation problem
CARAVANS,
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 WERE NOT
EXCEDEED
Correct your spelling
EXCEEDED
 20 PER
CENT
Use synonyms
.
MOREOVER
Linking Words
, THE PERCENTAGE OF
PEOPLE
Use synonyms
STAYED IN
Wrong verb form
staying in
show examples
 HOTELS WERE HIGHER IN BOTH
THE CHARTS
Correct determiner usage
charts
show examples
WHICH
Punctuation problem
, WHICH
show examples
IS IN
Correct your spelling
37% in
 1985 IT WAS 37 AND IN 2005 38.
SIMILARLY
Linking Words
, THE SECOND
MOST HIGHEST
Rephrase
highest
show examples
 ONE IN BOTH
YEARS
Punctuation problem
YEARS,
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PEOPLE
Use synonyms
WERE STAYED
Verb problem
stayed
show examples
 WITH FRIENDS AND
RELATIVES
Punctuation problem
RELATIVES,
show examples
 35 AND 30
PER CENTS
Check wording
per cent, respectively
show examples
.
FINALLY
Linking Words
, THE OTHER TWO PICKNICK SPOTS 18 PER
CENT
Use synonyms
 AND 10 PER
CENT
Use synonyms
 IN 1985

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words holidays, people, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • share
  • percentage
  • rise
  • increase
  • growth
  • fall
  • decrease
  • decline
  • stable
  • unchanged
  • higher
  • lower
  • largest
  • smallest
  • accommodation
  • types
  • hotels
  • apartments
  • campsites
  • guest houses
  • three years
  • compared with
  • in comparison with
  • overall
  • notable
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