IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The line chart provides key information about the proportion of people aged 65 and over from 1940 to 2040 in three
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
. The
unites
Replace the word
units
show examples
 are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that
Swedish
Correct article usage
the Swedish
show examples
 and
Americans
Replace the word
American
show examples
showed
Check wording
populations showed
show examples
 a constant average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 population represented
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 lowest
age
Use synonyms
 at the beginning years compared to rest
countries
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, people in Japan experienced a dipped level of
age
Use synonyms
 from 1940 to 2010
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 after 2010 showed a steep
increase
Use synonyms
 until reaching just below 30%, which accounts
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
peak of elderly among those
countries
Use synonyms
. In terms of
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and Sweden,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 who were 65
Use synonyms
age
Check wording
years
show examples
 and over experienced a
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
 over the period from 1940 to 1980, but Sweden people had jumped from 15% to 25%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 between 1980 and 2040.
While
Linking Words
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 population appeared a
fluctuated
Wrong verb form
fluctuate
show examples
Use synonyms
increase
Check wording
apply
show examples
until 2020,
subsequently
Linking Words
 the proportion surged from 15% to just under 25%.
This
Linking Words
highlighting
Wrong verb form
highlights
show examples
 on
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
proportion
Check wording
apply
show examples
in three
countries
Use synonyms
 will
increase
Use synonyms
 in 2040.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, age, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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