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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram outlines the process of the lifecycle of large
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
 called
salmons
Fix the agreement mistake
salmon
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 occur in 3 phases
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
Verb problem
are categorized
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categorized
Use the right word
categorised
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 by their ages when
were
Wrong verb form
they are
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frys
Correct your spelling
fry
, smolts and adults.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is vividly evident that the cycle begins prior to eggs becoming
frys
Correct your spelling
fry
 when salmon eggs are side
to
Change preposition
on
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 the small stones and the reeds
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 around 10 years
later
Punctuation problem
, later
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 when the
salmons
Fix the agreement mistake
salmon
show examples
 start breeding. The process after fertility starts with their eggs at the upper rivers moving slowly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 period takes approximately 5 to 6 months until these species become
frys
Correct your spelling
fry
their
Punctuation problem
, their
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 size being 3 to 8 cm.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, they tend to go into the
depth
Fix the agreement mistake
depths
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 of rivers and the pace of their movement significantly increases
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 period takes around 4 years till smolts are recognised, and
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 size
of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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becomes between 12 and 15 cm.
Finally
Linking Words
, smolts commute to open seas to live there for over 5 years before becoming adults
, it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
 is worth noting that their size rocketed to 70 to 75 cm
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they return to the surface of the rivers again.

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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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