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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of people do not know their neighbors, and there is no longer a sense of community. What are the reasons for this? How to solve it?

In recent times,many
people
Use synonyms
 have no idea who their
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
 are,and there is no longer a sense of community.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate on the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 ways to solve
this
Linking Words
 will be explained in subsequent paragraphs. First of all,the
use
Use synonyms
 of technology is one of the main reasons why many
people
Use synonyms
 do not know their
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
.Technology has negatively impacted
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lives of
people
Use synonyms
affecting
Punctuation problem
, affecting
show examples
 their ways of communicating.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
,the
use
Use synonyms
 of social media as a means of
socializing
Use the right word
socialising
show examples
 with friends.
For instance
Linking Words
,Facebook,
twitter
Fix capitalization
Twitter
show examples
,
instagram
Fix capitalization
Instagram
show examples
 and Snapchat have become popular these days.
As a result
Linking Words
,youngsters spend their leisure time on their phones and laptops searching for friends online
instead
Linking Words
 of going out to talk with
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 trend has led to no sense of community in
this
Linking Words
 era.
Reseach
Correct your spelling
Research
 conducted at Tech University revealed that approximately 70% of teenagers have no clue who their
next door
Use the right word
next-door
show examples
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
 are.
This
Linking Words
 clearly shows how the
use
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 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 has affected many communities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,increased crime rates
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 another motive why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 no concern about getting to know their flatmates.There has been a rapid increase in crime rates over the past few years in communities.
Example
Fix the agreement mistake
Examples
show examples
 of these crimes are gambling and theft.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 get scared to go out and talk to
people
Use synonyms
 living in the same vicinity.Many youngsters prefer to mingle with their siblings
home
Change preposition
at home
show examples
 rather than to go outside to talk with
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
.A survey conducted by social science students in
cape coast
Fix capitalization
Cape Coast
show examples
 showed that 65% of
people
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 prefer to stay
indoor
Use the right word
indoors
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 safety measures.
This
Linking Words
 clearly demonstrates why many
people
Use synonyms
 do not know
people
Use synonyms
 in their vicinity.
However
Linking Words
,one major way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem is to educate the youth about the importance of
recognizing
Use the right word
recognising
show examples
 one's
neighbor
Use the right word
neighbour
show examples
.Children in schools should be taught the significance of making
pals
Check wording
friends
show examples
 in their communities.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,parents play a role by advising their wards and encouraging them to meet with their
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
.By so doing,it will create unity and love in societies. In conclusion,even though the
use
Use synonyms
 of technology and increased crime rates are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contributing factors to
people
Use synonyms
 not
socializing
Use the right word
socialising
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
neighbors
Use the right word
neighbours
show examples
 to know them,
however
Linking Words
,creating general awareness
to
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the public through education and advice can help resolve
this
Linking Words
 issue.

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task response
Give clear steps for both parts of the task. For example, list 2-3 fixes and back them with one real example for each.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Use linking words to connect ideas and show flow from one paragraph to the next.
structure
The topic is clear and there is a plan.
content
The writer uses some examples and numbers to show points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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