IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students do part-time work while they are studying. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

With the development of
students
Use synonyms
' diverse needs, there is a
heat
Replace the word
heated
show examples
 debate on whether
students
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 should entirely focus on their studies or they can
ado
Use the right word
do
show examples
 part-time
work
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 during schooling. Some people consider it is not the proper time for
students
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 to
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their golden studying time,
while
Linking Words
 some people think it is an
opporitunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 for
students
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 to
enage
Correct your spelling
engage
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, which helps their
growths
Fix the agreement mistake
growth
show examples
 as well. In my opinion, I strongly believe the advantages of
students
Use synonyms
 doing part-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, doing part-time
work
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 can help
students
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putting
Wrong verb form
put
show examples
 the
skills
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 they learn into practice. It is extremely important for learners to put the knowledge and
skills
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 they learn into practice, which will
better achieve
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 the effectiveness of learning. It is doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
work
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Correct pronoun usage
that provide
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provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
such
Linking Words
 a chance for
students
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,
such
Linking Words
 as
exersing
Correct your spelling
exercising
 their teaching
skills
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 in
extra-curriculumn
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
 lessons.
Additionally
Linking Words
, doing part-time
work
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 can help
students
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formulating
Wrong verb form
formulate
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 the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of
money
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. The value of
money
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 is very significant for
students
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, because they are at the
peiod
Correct your spelling
period
 of transforming
teenagers
Change preposition
from teenagers
show examples
 to adults. It is during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
Fix capitalization
Part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 can help them better balance
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 incomes and
spent
Replace the word
spending
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 of their pocket
money
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, which will benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
money
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 management.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, the most cherish and meaningful things for doing the part-time
work
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 for
students
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 is that after the action they do and the process they experience,
students
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 will realise it is not easy and unstable for doing a part-time
work
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, which encourage them to learn more knowlege and
skills
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 to better improve themselves on studies, in order to study hard and think deeply of their career goals in the future. In summary,
due to
Linking Words
 the advantages of
combing
Verb problem
combining
show examples
skills
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 and practice, cultivation of the value of
money
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, and the formulation of
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
 development, the benefits are more than the harms for
students
Use synonyms
 to have a part-time job.

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task response
State your view in the first line and keep it through the essay. Add 2-3 clear reasons with small, real examples.
coherence cohesion
Make ideas fit in a plan. Use a topic sentence for each paragraph and links like first, also, but, so.
lexical
Use simple and clean word choice. Fix common miss and bad spell like opportu nity, engage, knowledge.
grammar
Use shorter sentences. Check grammar and agreement. Read aloud to find mistakes.
task response
Give one or two real example from school life to back your point.
structure
Clear plan and stance
content
Some good ideas about what students gain
coherence
Parts of the essay have links and flow

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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