IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

The debate
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over whether it is better to have more
money
Use synonyms
 and less free
time
Use synonyms
 or to earn less
money
Use synonyms
 to have more free
time
Use synonyms
 is significant.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives, reasoning
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 on the matter.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is obvious that increased living standards are the
beneficial
Replace the word
benefit
show examples
 of having more
money
Use synonyms
 and less free
time
Use synonyms
, which
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 income
afford
Correct subject-verb agreement
affords
show examples
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 quality of living.
For example
Linking Words
, security in accommodation prevents
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
danger from the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
. It allows individuals to
spend
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 a
greater
Correct word choice
more luxurious
show examples
 lifestyle and
also
Linking Words
 saves
money
Use synonyms
 from unnecessary spending. In fact, it must be exchanged for leisure
time
Use synonyms
 to enhance
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 income.
Moreover
Linking Words
, having
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 work-life balance
due to
Linking Words
 the risk of lack of proper rest can cause health issues at the same
time
Use synonyms
. The pressure of always working without enjoyment can reduce happiness and cause anxiety.
Secondly
Linking Words
, earning less
money
Use synonyms
 and having more free
time
Use synonyms
, people might think it
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
waste of
time
Use synonyms
,but it
emphasizes
Use the right word
emphasises
show examples
 the importance of work-life balance and well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, having more
time
Use synonyms
 allows individuals to spend quality
time
Use synonyms
 with family and friends,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 significantly increases
fulfillment
Use the right word
fulfilment
show examples
.
Linking Words
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 it provides opportunities for personal development by experiencing and exploring new things, new people
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 better environments
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 boost energy to go back to work effectively.
To conclude
Linking Words
, both having more
money
Use synonyms
 and less free
time
Use synonyms
 and having
earning
Verb problem
apply
show examples
less
money
Use synonyms
 and
having
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more free
time
Use synonyms
 have their respective advantages. Higher income can afford
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 quality of living, security in accommodation provides safety,
saving
Replace the word
savings
show examples
 from
none
Rephrase
apply
show examples
unnecessary
spend
Check wording
spending
show examples
.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 work-life balance, personal relationships, and well-being are compelling free
time
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 I prefer earning less but more
time
Use synonyms
 because less risk to my mental health from getting anxiety and an unhealthy life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Try to make one clear idea for each paragraph and support it with precise detail.
grammar
Check punctuation and make sentences shorter for better clarity.
coherence
Use clear topic sentences to state the view in each paragraph.
content
Add more specific examples with data or real life cases.
content
The essay covers both views and states your opinion.
structure
There is a clear conclusion.
coherence
Linking words like firstly, secondly, and to conclude show some flow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: