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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table illustrates Venezuela's victims categorized by age groups namely murder, negligence, kidnapping, robbery and blackmail.

The table illustrates Venezuela's victims categorized by age groups namely murder, negligence, kidnapping, robbery and blackmail.
The table illustrates Venezuela's
victims
Use synonyms
categorized
Use the right word
categorised
show examples
 by age groups
namely
Punctuation problem
, namely
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 murder,
negligence
Use synonyms
, kidnapping, robbery and
blackmail
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, Robbey had the highest total number of
victims
Use synonyms
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 the total of kidnapping and
blackmail
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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similarly
Linking Words
 the same.
In contrast
Linking Words
, total
negligence
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
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 the
least
Correct word choice
fewest
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victims
Use synonyms
. In detail, robbery was the highest
between
Change preposition
among
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 younger people (4558
victims
Use synonyms
) and adults (3312
victims
Use synonyms
), 1067
victims
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 of
middle age
Replace the word
the middle-aged
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 group. The next two crimes are Kidnapping and
blackmail
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, the former higher than the latter, 56
victims
Use synonyms
 from (15-24), and 89
victims
Use synonyms
 in
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-44 years old. 110
victims
Use synonyms
 of kidnap who were aged 14 years old or less,
whereas
Linking Words
 just 4 were
blackmail
Use synonyms
victims
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 from the same group, and not more than 8 persons who were aged 65+ for both crimes.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
negligence
Use synonyms
 was the least among all other crimes. (0-14) offence committed
39
Punctuation problem
, 39
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negligence
Use synonyms
, and only 9 individuals from 65.
Moreover
Linking Words
,2 to 4 people were
victims
Use synonyms
 of
negligence
Use synonyms
 in
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-24 and 65 years old
.
Check wording
age groups.
show examples
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the (25-44) group was zero.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words victims, negligence, blackmail with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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