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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The pie charts below show the source of the electricity produced in four countries between 2003 and 2008

The pie charts below show the source of the electricity produced in four countries between 2003 and 2008
The pie charts provide data
the
Change preposition
on the
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 reference of the electricity generated in four countries from 2003 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
Hydropower
Use synonyms
 and Fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
 were the largest categories,
in contrast
Linking Words
, Nuclear power was the lowest figure. As the pie charts show,
in
Change preposition
apply
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India was the biggest producer of electricity were
Correct word order
with Hydropower
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Hydropower
Use synonyms
 with 81,90% electricity.
However
Linking Words
 second-largest manufactured was the
Hydropower
Use synonyms
 with 14,60 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Nuclear power was the smallest with 3,50% between 2003 and 2008. Regarding Sweden, the indicators of the
Hydropower
Use synonyms
 and the Fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
 with 52,00% and 4,00%, respectively.
Whereas
Linking Words
 Nuclear power was the second-largest in
this
Linking Words
 figure. Turning to Morocco, the
Hydropower
Use synonyms
 rate was higher than the Fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
with
Check wording
rate with
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 95,50 per
cent
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 and 4,50 per
cent
Use synonyms
, respectively.
Regard
Replace the word
Regarding
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 Vietnam, the Fossil
fuel
Use synonyms
 was higher than the
Hydropower
Use synonyms
 with 56,30 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Hydropower
Use synonyms
 was the second-largest in
this
Linking Words
 category between 2003 and 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hydropower, fuel, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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