IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Fresh water has always been a limited source in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand, what measurements can governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

The availability of natural fresh
water
Use synonyms
bodies
Use synonyms
 has been a
scares
Use the right word
scarce
show examples
 resource since it only contributes to less than 2% of the total
water
Use synonyms
 on Earth. Despite the
scarecity
Correct your spelling
scarcity
, the growing demands for fresh
water
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 made the situation
in to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a global problem. The increased population growth and expansions in agriculture
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been the major causes for the
demand
Use synonyms
 rising
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is of great importance for governments and individuals to act in
respense
Correct your spelling
response
 to address the issues of saving natural fresh
water
Use synonyms
bodies
Use synonyms
 and to consume in a responsible manner. One of the major causes for increased
demand
Use synonyms
 for fresh
water
Use synonyms
 is because of the increased population. The domestic usage of fresh
water
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as for food and
sanitory
Correct your spelling
sanitary
,
Check wording
purposes, majorly
show examples
majorly
Rephrase
mainly
show examples
 contributed to the increased
demands
Fix the agreement mistake
demand
show examples
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 secondary consumption
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as for cooling systems associated with
buildings
Punctuation problem
buildings,
show examples
 has
also
Linking Words
 contributed to the
demand
Use synonyms
 for fresh
water
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the surveys, in major cities, the consumption of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 for cooling systems in electronic devices has
repidly
Correct your spelling
rapidly
 increased
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the past decade. Most of the fresh
water
Use synonyms
 used in these
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
show examples
 cannot be
re-usable
Use the right word
reused
show examples
, terminating the cyclic process.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the rapidly advancing
aggriculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 fields
also
Linking Words
demand
Use synonyms
 a larger proportion of fresh
water
Use synonyms
anually
Correct your spelling
annually
 all around the world. Because of the
scacity
Correct your spelling
scarcity
 of surface
water
Use synonyms
bodies
Use synonyms
, most industries
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
tend to drill for the ground in pursuit of underground
water
Use synonyms
bodies
Use synonyms
, making a more severe impact on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. Mostly during these processes, the fresh
water
Use synonyms
 does not enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
water
Use synonyms
 cycle back, but rather ends up in
unsuable
Correct your spelling
unusable
 polluted condition
due to
Linking Words
mix
Correct article usage
a mix
show examples
 of pesticides. As for the possible solutions, it falls under the
government
Use synonyms
 to effectively implement
water
Use synonyms
 conservation programs in both
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 and
short term
Use the right word
short-term
show examples
 goal settings or even
throgh panelty
Correct your spelling
through penalty
 systems to prevent
water
Use synonyms
 pollution. For
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 solutions,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 could initiate research and development to look for alternatives to meet domestic demands
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as purification plants
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. The
government
Use synonyms
 could force the
aggriculture
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 industries to seek sustainable answers to limit
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 and experiment
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 low-
water
Use synonyms
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 crops.
Also
Linking Words
, maintaining stringent policies over parties who pollute
water
Use synonyms
 in
irrecoverable
Correct article usage
an irrecoverable
show examples
 manner would be
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 important to protect the existing
water
Use synonyms
bodies
Use synonyms
. In order to protect the
fresh
Use the right word
freshwater
show examples
water
Use synonyms
bodies
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals can act in
responsible
Correct article usage
a responsible
show examples
 manner
while
Linking Words
 using
water
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 domestic
usages
Check wording
purposes
show examples
while
Linking Words
 optimisation. As an example, cooking food once a week
enough
Verb problem
is enough
show examples
 for the whole week , washing
cloths
Use the right word
clothes
show examples
 at a single time can be
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 solutions. The awareness to educate the societies regarding the optimum use of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 lies
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 individuals effectively.
As
Change preposition
To
show examples
to conclude
Linking Words
, the
probelm
Correct your spelling
problem
 of
ever increasing
Use the right word
ever-increasing
show examples
demand
Use synonyms
 for fresh
water
Use synonyms
 can be
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a major issue
due to
Linking Words
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
 numbers of population and
aggricultural
Correct your spelling
agricultural
 advancements. By implementing stringent policies by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and through public awareness on optimum use of
water
Use synonyms
, the problem can be effectively addressed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan first. Start with a short intro that says what you will talk about. Then two body parts for causes and two for ideas to fix. End with a simple conclusion.
language
Use simple and clear words. Check spelling and form. Try to keep long sentences short.
content
Give some numbers or facts, even small ones, to back up ideas. Use easy examples.
task response
The essay shows more than one idea for both causes and cures.
coherence
The writing follows a rough plan and has blocks of ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scarce resource
  • global crisis
  • domestic usage
  • agricultural expansion
  • industrial processes
  • freshwater availability
  • climate variability
  • sustainable practices
  • drought-resistant crops
  • water conservation
  • infrastructure investment
  • public awareness
  • environmental stewardship
  • efficient fixtures
  • water footprint
  • recycling facilities
  • ecosystem preservation
  • local initiatives
  • policy support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: