Some children spend hours everydays on their smartphones.Why is this the case?Is this a positive or negative development?

In the prevailing era, mobile phones have made people's lives comfortable. The majority of

children

Use synonyms

spend a number of hours in front of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

screens.

This

Linking Words

essay will not only discuss

reasons

Correct article usage

the reasons

show examples

behind

this

Linking Words

scenario but

also

Linking Words

provides

Correct subject-verb agreement

provide

show examples

my viewpoint. I believe that

this

Linking Words

is a negative

trend

Use synonyms

. Commencing with the most salient cause why youngsters invest

time

Use synonyms

in electronic devices is that

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

provide a source of entertainment. As the majority of them can do tremendous activities on it,

such

Linking Words

as playing games, watching animated movies, and many more.

This

Linking Words

helps them to get relief from

studing

Correct your spelling

studying

after school.

For example

Linking Words

, YouTube is a popular website where they can watch

Use synonyms

children

Check wording

children's

show examples

movie

Fix the agreement mistake

movies

show examples

and enjoy their day.

However

Linking Words

, I believe that passing hours on smartphones by

children

Use synonyms

is a negative

trend

Use synonyms

. It tends to deter them from focusing on academics. They are less likely to devote their

time

Use synonyms

to study after school, and poor performance in the classroom is the result of

this

Linking Words

trend

Use synonyms

. To illustrate,

PUBG

Correct article usage

the PUBG

show examples

game is quite famous among them.

This

Linking Words

game is not only played by them

Change preposition

during

show examples

the day

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

and

Correct word choice

but

show examples

also

Linking Words

at night on

the

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

cell phones. It leads to

give

Wrong verb form

giving

show examples

them limited

time

Use synonyms

to study.

To conclude

Linking Words

, I contend that

children

Use synonyms

spend hours on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

portable devices for their entertainment purposes. I think that

this

Linking Words

is an invasive

trend

Use synonyms

as they spend their precious

time

Use synonyms

on it rather than

doing study

Wrong verb form

studying

show examples

rupindersamrow222

Sep 5, 2025

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task response

Make a clear plan. Start with a thin plan line in the intro and end with a short last line in the end.

coherence and cohesion

Use more link words to show how ideas connect, like also, but, so and then.

coherence and cohesion

Step by step: one idea for each paragraph. Start with a small topic line for the para.

task response

Check spelling and grammar. Words like everydays, studying, and movie should be written as two words or correct form.

stance

The view is clear: the writer thinks this is bad.

structure

There is an intro and a close in the essay.

content

Examples are named like YouTube and PUBG to show idea.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

237 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

phone
screen
game
app
video
chat
friend
talk
study
learn
sleep
health
eye
time
limit
habit
parent
teacher
school
safe
risk
information
idea
balance
rule
plan
control
digital
online

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