IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

‏In recent years, obesity has become an increasingly serious problem in many countries. What are the main reasons for this rise, and to what extent do modern lifestyle factors, such as the use of technology and social media, contribute to this issue?

In recent years,
while
Linking Words
 there has been an ongoing debate with compelling reasons, in my opinion , technological disadventages it's the reason,
To begin
Linking Words
 with , many people have different perspectives about fitness is decreasing , some people think the social media it's the problem and I'm one of them , at once I read article from KSA university how people spend their daily routine, most of 70% vote to spend too much time in online
such
Linking Words
 as Tik Tok , YouTube, Instagram .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , when you sit at home without going outside to
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
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 or meet your friends
Punctuation problem
, at
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at
Use the right word
it
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 will affect
to
Change preposition
apply
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your health.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe of you try to control yourself and take less time on social
media
Punctuation problem
media,
show examples
 you will improve your health .

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task response
Plan before you write. Start with a short answer to the question. Then give two main ideas with simple proof, and finish with a short closing line.
coherence cohesion
Make one idea in each paragraph. Use linking words like and, but, so to show how ideas fit. Keep sentences short.
task response
Be careful with facts. If you say a number like 70%, say where it comes from or say many or a lot.
grammar
Check your grammar and spell common words. Use plain words and short form. For example, use 'tech' or 'technology' in a clear way.
idea
The writer shows a view that too much tech use can rise in the problem.
stance
There is a sign that the writer wants to talk about social media.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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