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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows the change in average salaries across various spheres of employment in the US over a period of 40 years.

The graph shows the change in average salaries across various spheres of employment in the US over a period of 40 years.
The line graph illustrates the changes in the
avergae
Correct your spelling
average
salaries
Use synonyms
 of 3
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 fields of work-IT,Engineering, and
Proffesional
Correct your spelling
Professional
sports
Use synonyms
 through a
spam
Use the right word
span
show examples
 of four decades.
Overall
Linking Words
,
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 is a general increase in
salaries
Use synonyms
 for people in IT and Engineering.Professional
sports
Use synonyms
,which had the
greates
Correct your spelling
greatest
salaries
Use synonyms
 out of all
speheres
Correct your spelling
spheres
 of employment till
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 saw a decrease till 2000
converging
Punctuation problem
, converging
show examples
 paths with the IT fields
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
initially
Linking Words
 had the lowest salary until it surpassed engineering in
1980
Fix the agreement mistake
1980s
show examples
,s.
Thorughout
Correct your spelling
Throughout
this
Linking Words
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
 Engineering has seen the smallest
growth
Use synonyms
 and ended with the lowest
salaries
Use synonyms
. In 1970,People in
Proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
sports
Use synonyms
 were expected to earn around 100,000.From 1980 to
1990
Punctuation problem
1990,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 discipline had
seem sum
Use the right word
seen some
show examples
 fluctuations
seeing
Punctuation problem
, seeing
show examples
 a rise till 1080 followed by a decline till 1990.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in the
later
Correct word choice
late
show examples
 years of
1990
Correct your spelling
1990s
,
s
Verb problem
apply
show examples
 it saw a moderate
growth
Use synonyms
 reaching an
all time
Use the right word
all-time
show examples
 high
if
Use the right word
of
show examples
 145,000 in 2000.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 earnings of
this
Linking Words
specialization
Use the right word
specialisation
show examples
 plummeted to 110,000 its lowesin 2010 The field of IT
had
Correct word order
initially had
show examples
initially
Linking Words
 the lowest
salaries
Use synonyms
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 35000 in 1970.Since
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
then,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 branch has seen a
consitent
Correct your spelling
consistent
 and moderate
growth
Use synonyms
 in pay
peaking
Punctuation problem
, peaking
show examples
 at 2010 with 110,000
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was the same as professional
sports
Use synonyms
.Engineering has
expeirenced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 steady and marginal
growth
Use synonyms
throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the period.Seeing an increase in pay from 55,000 to 70,000

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salaries, sports, growth with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
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