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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The supplied bar chart above represents the data about people living in rural, urban and town who born in Australia or outside of state between 1995 and 2010.

The supplied bar chart above represents the data about people living in rural, urban and town who born in Australia or outside of state between 1995 and 2010.
The 2 graphs
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 data about the native and non native
people
Use synonyms
 residing in rural,urban and town
areas
Use synonyms
 in Australia in 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,there seems to be an increase in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
if
Use the right word
of
show examples
 individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are staying in
cities
Use synonyms
 for
both
Use synonyms
 native and non-native
people
Use synonyms
.The inhabitants of
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
 have
also
Linking Words
 seen a decrease.In
both
Use synonyms
 times there was a preference to settle in town
areas
Use synonyms
dor
Use the right word
for
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 indigenous and non indigenous
people
Use synonyms
.In
1995
Punctuation problem
1995,
show examples
towns
Use synonyms
 were
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 populated,but surpassed rural
areas
Use synonyms
 in 2010. In
1995
Punctuation problem
1995,
show examples
 around 50
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
australian prefered
Correct your spelling
Australia preferred
cities
Use synonyms
.Among the native
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
, 20
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 resided in
towns
Use synonyms
 and around 30
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in the
country side
Use the right word
countryside
show examples
.In
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 there seemed to be a shift populace of the
areas
Use synonyms
.The total
people
Use synonyms
 in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 had risen to approximately 62.
Both
Use synonyms
towns
Use synonyms
 and countryside saw
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
settlers
Use synonyms
both
Punctuation problem
, both
show examples
 having around 19
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
a slight decline for
towns
Use synonyms
 but a steep one for rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. For the non native residents,most of them
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 60
Use synonyms
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
percent
Punctuation problem
percent,
show examples
 were found in
cities
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was followed by
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country side
Use the right word
countryside
show examples
 with 40 and
then
Linking Words
 in small
cities
Use synonyms
 with 15.In
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 these figures had changed drastically.There was a
prefrence
Correct your spelling
preference
 for living in large
towns
Use synonyms
, as it increased from 60 to 80.Rural
areas
Use synonyms
 plummeted to 10 ,
while
Linking Words
Towns
Use synonyms
 saw a slight decrease to 13.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, areas, cities, both, towns, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographics
  • Migration patterns
  • Population distribution
  • Rural
  • Urban
  • Town
  • Native-born
  • Foreign-born
  • Growth rate
  • Settlement patterns
  • Residential categories
  • Urbanization
  • Infrastructure
  • Economic opportunities
  • Lifestyle preferences
  • Residential mobility
  • Urban planning
  • Governmental policies
  • Community impact
  • Data analysis
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