IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier societies is to ensure that they are only small difference in earning between the richest and the poorest members to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people suggest that reducing
wealth
Correct article usage
the wealth
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gap
Use synonyms
 is the best method to improve public happiness.
While
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this
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 means can surely pose
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 impact, I believe producing a happier society requires combined efforts with
less
Correct word choice
lower
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 crime rates and better
society
Replace the word
social
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welfares
Fix the agreement mistake
welfare
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. On the one hand, it is undeniable that reducing the
gap
Use synonyms
 between the rich and the poor fosters a more peaceful atmosphere
which
Change preposition
in which
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 the public feels fair and justice. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reality, there are countless families trapped in poverty,
thriving
Verb problem
striving
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 for a decent meal,
while
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 tycoons do not value a penny.
This
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gap
Use synonyms
 is significantly enlarged by
Correct article usage
the cerrent
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cerrent
Correct your spelling
current
 education system and job market, since the interviewers select candidates largely on their credentials and predigrees. Even though it is simply impossible for every
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
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 to possess equal wealth, the
gap
Use synonyms
 can be smaller thanks to advanced technologies.
For example
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,
Tiktok
Use the right word
TikTok
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 is a social platform where creators can generate money by pulling enough views and likes. By marketing wisely, users can make a profit regardless of their backgrounds and degrees.
On the other hand
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, other methods should
also
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 be taken into consideration. Some countries, particularly developing nations, suffer from incredibly high crime rates, leading to mistrust in officials and insecurity of staying outdoors.
Accordingly
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, the general happiness of their citizens will rise if they can feel safer.
For instance
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, residents in Singapore are more satisfied after the prevalence of street cameras and increased patrols.
Additionally
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, governments should improve their healthcare benefits
as well as
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 the pensions, since
this
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 can assure the people that they will be
take
Wrong verb form
taken
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 care of even after they
retired
Wrong verb form
retire
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, mitigating their
insecure
Replace the word
insecurity
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 and anxiety of retirement. In conclusion,
satifying
Correct your spelling
satisfying
 people by eliminating the wealth
gap
Use synonyms
 is not enough, safeguarding their
safeness
Replace the word
safety
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 and assuring a quality life when old
also
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 build up
an
Correct article usage
a
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 utopian world.

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content
Be clear in your view. State if you agree or not and by how much.
structure
Make one idea per paragraph. Tie each point to a fact or example.
grammar
Use simple, short sentences. Check for small grammar and misspelt words.
example
Choose real and strong examples that fit the point you make.
strength
The essay shows the idea that safety and care can affect happiness.
structure
It uses a clear form to show two sides with "on the one hand" and "on the other hand".
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