IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and agas together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
music
Use synonyms
 is the best way to
gethering
Correct your spelling
gather
people
Use synonyms
 with
culture
Use synonyms
 and connect with all ages. It is commonly
believe
Wrong verb form
believed
show examples
 that
music
Use synonyms
 is the art of life.
However
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 is the art that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 happy and
joyfull
Correct your spelling
joyful
,
also
Linking Words
 if
people
Use synonyms
is listening
Wrong verb form
listen to
show examples
music
Use synonyms
, they control their mind
as well
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 therapy
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life. In India, there are numerous
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 and different cultures that develop so many types of cultural
music
Use synonyms
. In Punjab, they have their own beets
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is popular
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
india
Fix capitalization
India
show examples
,they
Punctuation problem
. They
show examples
put
Verb problem
have
show examples
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
music
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 want to know their
culture
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 all
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 has change in
music
Use synonyms
 and
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
. Some aged
people
Use synonyms
likes
Replace the word
like
show examples
 old
music
Use synonyms
 and they
listening
Wrong verb form
listen
show examples
 and
relaxing
Wrong verb form
relax
show examples
 in
lives
Correct pronoun usage
their lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, nowadays, pop
music
Use synonyms
 is very popular
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world. All age
people
Use synonyms
 are
attrecting
Correct your spelling
attracted
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
musics
Fix the agreement mistake
music
show examples
.
Forthermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
people
Use synonyms
 who like
music
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
creat
Use the right word
create
show examples
 positive energy. In some countries, they use
music
Use synonyms
 as a therapy for humans who
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
 able to work
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their mind
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
. For
sumhow
Check wording
some reason
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 from
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
vibe
Fix the agreement mistake
vibes
show examples
 and various
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
, they all connect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 one page.
For instance
Linking Words
, some relegies pleaces they have their own
music
Use synonyms
 to
conect
Correct your spelling
connect
 with
people
Use synonyms
.In today's era, technology
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
icreasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 so everyone
listin
Correct your spelling
listening to
music
Use synonyms
 easily. Taking everything into
accont
Correct your spelling
account
, everyone likes
music
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all ages and every
culture
Use synonyms
 has
verious
Correct your spelling
various
music
Use synonyms
 but it
is
Verb problem
brings
show examples
 bringing
togather
Correct your spelling
together
. So in my point of view,
music
Use synonyms
 is
conecting
Correct your spelling
connecting
people
Use synonyms
 and
attrect to
Correct your spelling
attracting
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.

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planning
Plan first. Say your view in the first line and end with it again. Then give 2 or 3 clear ideas. Each idea in its own paragraph with a small example.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go together, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example'.
grammar
Check grammar and spellings. Many words are wrong or mixed. Use easy grammar and check 'ing' and 'ed' forms.
structure
Try to keep one main idea in each paragraph. Do not mix many ideas in one paragraph.
content
Use real examples that link to your main point. Tie all ideas back to your view.
idea
You show a wish to speak about how music can join many people.
content
You mention music as joy and a way to heal, a good start for your point.
content
We see some place and culture examples, which can be good if used well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • culture
  • music
  • people
  • age
  • unite
  • bring together
  • language
  • sound
  • beat
  • rhythm
  • melody
  • song
  • tune
  • concert
  • festival
  • crowd
  • artist
  • learn
  • understand
  • share
  • feel
  • emotion
  • world
  • global
  • mix
  • exchange
  • bridge
  • barrier
  • respect
  • tolerance
  • stereotype
  • tradition
  • identity
  • heritage
  • access
  • equal
  • idea
  • example
What to do next:
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