IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today much of the food people ear gets transported from farms that are thousands of miles away. Some people believe it would be better for the environment and the economy if people only consumed food produced by local farmers. Would the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Personally, I understand that a good part of our meals has parts coming from
distanced
Replace the word
distant
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 places from where we live. Since the majority of Brazil's population lives in urban sites, it seems only natural
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
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 logistics, at least at first sight. The region, as we will see, has, indeed. good reasons for that arrangement, both economic and
health related
Use the right word
health-related
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 ones.
Firstly
Linking Words
, city spaces that still
remains
Correct subject-verb agreement
remain
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unnocupied
Correct your spelling
unoccupied
 are rare and expensive compared to rural regions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the soil might
no
Rephrase
not
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 be ideal for the
cultive
Correct your spelling
cultivation
 of several nutrients from which we depend on to have a healthy diet.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the solution was to find places which, every year, move a
little
Fix the agreement mistake
few
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kilometers
Use the right word
kilometres
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 away from the
ever growing
Use the right word
ever-growing
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 city
centers
Use the right word
centres
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.
In addition
Linking Words
 to much lower and more adequate climate and general conditions to plant or raise livestock,
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 and toxic chemical residues from urban environments are, in those places, less of a concern.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, that solution might trigger questions about
Correct article usage
the
show examples
CO2 footprints these features generate when one argues that the food has to be transported from
such
Linking Words
far away
Use the right word
faraway
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 spots. The conservation methods used in the preparation of those products add,
also
Linking Words
, an extra toxic layered poison for human
beings
Check wording
apply
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comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation is
surelly
Correct your spelling
surely
 not ideal, yet, I think the pros are still clearly higher than the cons. At least in São Paulo, a city where pollution rates are still in the rising part of the curve. During the winter months, the air can turn the megalopolis one of the
most dry
Correct word choice
driest
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 and toxic environments in the world, justifying the distances food
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from.

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overview and cohesion
Make a clear plan before you write. Start with your view, then give two or three strong reasons. Use simple linking words like first, also, but, and finally.
content development
Give an example to back up each main point. Mention a place, a fact, or a number to show why your point is true.
language accuracy
Check the small grammar and spell. Use short, clear sentences. Use 'far away' instead of 'distanced' and 'pollution' instead of hard words.
strength
The essay has a real idea about how city life and food move.
strength
It shows a view that local food can be discussed with points on health and money.
strength
There is use of a real place (São Paulo) as an example.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon footprint
  • Local economy
  • Supply chain
  • Food security
  • Seasonal products
  • Carbon emissions
  • Sustainable agriculture
  • Nutritional value
  • Farm-to-table
  • Food miles
  • Local produce
  • Community-supported agriculture
  • Ecosystem preservation
What to do next:
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