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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the average perchentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average perchentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart provides information about meals
o
Correct your spelling
of
 three types of nutrients, breaking down proportions among Sodium, Saturated fat and Added sugar.
Overall
Linking Words
, it highlights the dominant categories and minor segments.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
larges
Use the right word
largest
show examples
 share belonged to Dinner,
whilw
Correct your spelling
while
 the smallest proportion was
recrded
Correct your spelling
recorded
 for
Breakfast
Use synonyms
 and Snacks respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was a clear gap between major and minor categories with
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
show examples
 of 29% Looking more specifically, Sodium
accountef
Correct your spelling
accounts
 for 43% of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
, followed by 14%
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and snacks ,
correspondingly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
and 29%
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 lunch.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Sature
Correct your spelling
saturated
 fat made up a notable proportion of around 37% with
slighlty incresed
Correct your spelling
slightly increased
 in
Correct article usage
the Snaks
show examples
Snaks
Correct your spelling
Snacks
 area and
Correct article usage
a littlee
show examples
littlee
Correct your spelling
little
 bit in
breakfast
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 in
lunch
Correct article usage
the lunch
show examples
 segment.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Added
Fix capitalization
added
show examples
 sugar
mostly
Verb problem
is mostly
show examples
area
Check wording
apply
show examples
covered by Snacks with 42% and least by lunch 19%.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Breakfast
Use synonyms
hold
Correct subject-verb agreement
holds
show examples
 the same position as saturated fat and fluctuation
seen
Verb problem
is seen
show examples
 in
dinner
Correct article usage
the dinner
show examples
 percentile 23%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words breakfast with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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