IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school programmes (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a belief that every high
school
Use synonyms
 should have free community service as one of the
school
Use synonyms
 subjects. In my opinion, I disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
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 statement and I will examine my reasons in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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with
Add a comma
with,
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 the reason why some people think that it is a good idea to add free charity work in high
school
Use synonyms
 programmes.
Firstly
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, being a volunteer is a decent qualification because it could cultivate leadership
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 for those
schoolstudents
Correct your spelling
school students
 after they experience how to use their skill or potential to help other people, resulting in becoming better
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
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 in the future
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 only in their future life, but
also
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 for
communities
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. Another reason for
this
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 compulsory subject is
connection
Correct article usage
the connection
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 between educational
institution
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institutions
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 and
communities
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. If high
school
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children
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together with
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 their teachers work for people in society to achieve some goals,
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thus
Use the right word
then
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 they would strengthen connectivity
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 could create many benefits for both sides
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as healthier
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
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 and better
coorperation
Correct your spelling
cooperation
.
On the other hand
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, being
volunteer
Correct article usage
a volunteer
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 without
paid
Replace the word
pay
show examples
 could have several
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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 to both
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 and society. First of all, the most detrimental effect is financial issues because
Use synonyms
school's
Correct article usage
the school's
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 budget should prioritise for education of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 and
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
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 of teachers. If the money
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to be cut and some is contributed to help
communities
Use synonyms
 which is
large scale
Use the right word
large-scale
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of
Change preposition
apply
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improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
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, the
school
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 may find difficulties
of
Change preposition
with
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 financial management.
In addition
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, it is not fair
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
parents
Correct article usage
the parents
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 of those
children
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. Since
every
Correct word order
not every
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
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 may
not
Correct word order
apply
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have their own money,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
parents have to pay for
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Correct pronoun usage
their children
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children
Check wording
children's
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 activities because there
must be
Verb problem
are
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 some expenses
needed
Verb problem
apply
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to pay.
For instance
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, high
school
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 have to pay for their beverage or equipment for teaching other kids in
communities
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. Even though those parents already pay taxes for the government to manage
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 budget for every
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communities
Fix the agreement mistake
community
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, they have to pay for
communities
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 again
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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therefore
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,
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 life either at
school
Use synonyms
 or at home might
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decrease
as
Use the right word
a
show examples
declining
Replace the word
decline
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
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 money support. In conclusion, I think the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 kind of
compusary
Correct your spelling
compulsory
 programme
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 those benefits because high
school
Use synonyms
 programmes should prioritise
student'
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
show examples
 education. The needed skills
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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leadership
Punctuation problem
leadership,
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 can be learnt from
school
Use synonyms
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
 too without
redundancing
Correct your spelling
redundant
 payment for societies.

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Task response
Your view is clear, but many reasons are weak or not shown. Add more detail and clear examples to support each point.
Task response
Explain why it could be good and why it could be bad, then state why you choose. This helps the task.
Task response
Make sure to fully answer the task prompt. The task asks about making service compulsory; you should talk about both sides and end with your view.
Coherence
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and keep one main idea in it.
Coherence
Use clear linking words for flow; avoid very long sentences that are hard to read.
Coherence
Check the order of ideas and keep them to the main line of your argument.
Lexis
Spelling and word form need work. Use simple and common words and check spellings like compulsory, community, budget.
Content
The writer shows a clear view and sticks to it.
Structure
There is a plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
Cohesion
The essay uses some good links like 'On the other hand' to show contrast.
Content
Some good ideas on money and fairness are touched.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fosters
  • social responsibility
  • sense of community
  • practical experience
  • precursor
  • professional development
  • infringes
  • unnecessary strain
  • demanding schedules
  • bridge the gap
  • foster a culture
  • integration
  • feasibility
  • genuine engagement
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • active, informed citizens
What to do next:
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