IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. do you agree or disagree

Sugary
products
Use synonyms
 should be
increased
Verb problem
priced
show examples
 more
Use synonyms
price
Check wording
apply
show examples
to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the following examples will be provided in order to support my point of view. One of the most important
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why increasing sugary
products
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
price
Check wording
apply
show examples
is that nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 consume a lot of
sugar
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 them to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Punctuation problem
. which
show examples
which increasing
Correct pronoun usage
Increasing
show examples
Use synonyms
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 will help them to stay away from sweet foods and drinks ,since
people
Use synonyms
 may select food from the
price
Use synonyms
 of the product, so
this
Linking Words
 way will help them to buy alternative
sugar
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the latest research conducted by Bangkok University, it was revealed that 80
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who change to buy alternative drinks tend to have healthy lives and save more money. Another reason to support
this
Linking Words
 fact is that the manufacturers have to decrease the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 to keep the
lower
Use the right word
lower-priced
show examples
price
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
price
Use synonyms
 increases depending on the percentage of
sugar
Use synonyms
,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who may still buy sugary
products
Use synonyms
 that will keep them got
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lower amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, in recent news from the United
of
Check wording
States of
show examples
 America, it has been reported that they
invent
Wrong verb form
have invented
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to keep
people
Use synonyms
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
away from
sugar
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 other
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
words
show examples
word
Punctuation problem
word,
show examples
 it
calls
Wrong verb form
is called
show examples
Use synonyms
sugar
Correct article usage
a sugar
show examples
 tax.
This
Linking Words
 case demonstrates that the
price
Use synonyms
 is important for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to select the
products
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 will get
lower
Correct word choice
fewer
show examples
 customers. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that the expensive
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 can encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms
 because increasing
Use synonyms
price
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
 will help them to stay away from sugary
stuffs
Fix the agreement mistake
stuff
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the manufacturers have to decrease the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 to keep the lower
price
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 get
lower
Correct word choice
less
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time.

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task response
State your position clearly in the intro and keep it in mind as you write. Each paragraph should have one main idea and a short reason.
task response
Use one clear example for each point. Make sure the example links to your point.
coherence
Make paragraphs in order: intro, body with 2-3 ideas, conclusion. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence.
coherence
Use linking words to show flow, like 'also', 'but', 'therefore', 'however'.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use simple sentences but correct.
structure
There is an introduction, body, and conclusion.
content
You show a clear stance that you agree with the idea.
coherence
There are some links between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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