IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.to what extent do you agree with this view

Nowadays, a Number of
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the government should reduce the expenses on the
arts
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 should be used
Change preposition
for another
show examples
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 needed purposes.I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view,that using extra
money
Use synonyms
 on other important
site
Fix the agreement mistake
sites
show examples
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 the advantage of
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I think that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
an arts
show examples
 site can not overcome the
people
Use synonyms
 needed when the majority
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
deprived
Verb problem
are deprived
show examples
 of their basic human needs.
According to
Linking Words
 me,basic human needs are crucial for human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 rather than
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 :
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not get the proper medical
facilities
Use synonyms
, they will
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
suffer from various
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
,which could be caused early date.So, the government should distribute the funding
money
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 among the
people
Use synonyms
 who
deprive
Wrong verb form
are deprived
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
facilities
Use synonyms
 or other basic rights.
Secondly
Linking Words
, modern
science
Use synonyms
 gives us immense
facilities
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
technologies.Using
money
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 advantages than
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
. At present, rural schools and colleges do not get sufficient
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for the
laboratory
Punctuation problem
laboratory,
show examples
 where community
people
Use synonyms
busy
Verb problem
are busy
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
spending
money
Use synonyms
or
Use the right word
on
show examples
arts
Use synonyms
 poster
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
.If
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
usage
Verb problem
is used
show examples
 in the
science
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 outcomes will be much greater
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 society expected from
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 gallery.
For instance
Linking Words
, the community
people
Use synonyms
 hire an artist
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the exhibition with
expensive
Correct article usage
an expensive
show examples
 reward.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, they are not given simple praise who work in
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
a science
show examples
 lab in the same exhibition.So,spending
money
Use synonyms
 should be accurate place, which will give us many
facilities
Use synonyms
 in
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 and
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
also
Linking Words
. In conclusion, I entirely agree that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on basic needs and
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
science
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 is more valuable than the
arts
Use synonyms
site
Check wording
sector
show examples
.

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structure
Work on making each paragraph have one main idea and a clear link to the next idea.
grammar
Fix grammar and many spelling errors. Watch for subject and verb form and the use of articles.
development
Give stronger examples and explain how they show your point.
content
Add a short view from the other side and then explain why your view is still right.
planning
Plan your writing first with a short outline.
content
Your view is clear and you say what you think.
structure
You use some examples to back up your point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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