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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that now we can see films on our own phones and tablets there is no need to visit cinema and others say that to be fully enjoyed films need to be seen in a cinema if one wants to enjoy completely. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

There is an argument regarding how to watch movies currently. Some folks believe that the
cinema
Use synonyms
 is not necessary for watching
films
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
claim that it is an obligation that watch
films
Use synonyms
 in the
cinema
Use synonyms
 because it can bring
memorable
Correct article usage
a memorable
show examples
 experience. I support the latter viewpoint with the following statements. There is no doubt that the development of technology changes the way of entertainment, particularly in film watching.
The people
Correct determiner usage
People
show examples
 tend to use smartphones or tablets to watch movies or videos rather than to visit the
cinema
Use synonyms
. Because it is a convenient and affordable way of entertainment.
For example
Linking Words
, most teenagers prefer to subscribe the online services
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their smart devices
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 to watch a movie in China. So, many cinemas are bankrupt , especially during the COVID pandemic.
However
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, some
films
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to watch in the
cinema
Use synonyms
 for pursuing the ultimate sensory enjoyment. With a big screen and 3D glasses, the audience could follow the story easily , and the creatures and the scenario seemed alive and could be touchable. Those feelings can not be seen in a family theatre.
For instance
Linking Words
, the audience comments differently after watching the film Avatar in different places
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 most people who watched it in the
cinema
Use synonyms
 gave it positive feedback. It is not because of the quality of the movie but because of where they watched the movie. In conclusion, I admit that with the
advance
Fix the agreement mistake
advances
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology, many audiences tend to watch movies on smart devices.
However
Linking Words
, I still believe that certain
films
Use synonyms
 deserve to be enjoyed in a decent
cinema
Use synonyms
 with family.

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task
Add more detail on why cinema gives a better feel, with fewer general words.
structure
Make a clear plan: first view, second view, then your own view; use a topic sentence in each paragraph.
examples
Use more exact examples and explain how they help the point, while keeping simple words.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words in a steady way; avoid long run-on sentences.
conclusion
Finish with a short, strong conclusion that repeats your view clearly.
content
You give your view clearly in the end.
example
You add small examples to back up your point.
style
The essay is easy to read because you use simple words.
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