Nowadays advertising aimed at children is on the rise. Some people think this has negative effects and should be controlled. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely debated whether governments should restrict advertising and influencer content targeted at minors, especially on social media platforms.
While
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some argue that
such
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restrictions are unnecessary, I believe regulation is essential to safeguard children’s
wellbeing
Use the right word
well-being
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,
although
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a balanced approach is preferable to an outright ban. On the one hand, critics of government intervention emphasise freedom of expression and the economic benefits of the creative industry. Influencer marketing has become a significant source of income for young entrepreneurs and small businesses. Excessive restrictions may stifle creativity and limit commercial opportunities in the digital economy.
Furthermore
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, some argue that parental supervision, rather than government regulation, should be the primary means of guiding children’s online consumption.
On the other hand
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, children are particularly vulnerable to consumer manipulation. With immature
judgement
Use the right word
judgment
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and limited digital literacy, they are easily swayed by targeted advertisements promoting fast food, beauty products or online games.
This
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not only fosters materialism but
also
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contributes to long-term health and social problems,
such
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as obesity and poor self-esteem. As the external costs are ultimately borne by families and healthcare systems, it is reasonable for governments to intervene. Regulation need not mean censorship; age-appropriate filters, mandatory sponsorship disclosures and school-based digital literacy programmes can protect young audiences without suppressing creative expression. In conclusion,
although
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influencer marketing drives innovation and economic activity, it poses significant risks to impressionable minors. Governments should regulate advertising directed at children, not by banning it altogether but by enforcing transparency and promoting responsible content creation.

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content
Add more clear example to back each main point.
language
Use link words to show how ideas flow, like 'and', 'but', 'because'.
structure
Make the end stronger by restating your view in a final line.
structure
Break long ideas into smaller parts so the plan stays clear.
content
Clear view from start and a good plan.
structure
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
structure
Overall, a fair conclusion that restates the view.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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