IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

International tourism has brought enormous benefits to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its negative impacts on tourist destinations. For a tourist destination, do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

Nowadays, with tourism being popularised, the number of tourists going on vacations worldwide has increased significantly.
However
Linking Words
, there is a concern
on
Change preposition
about
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 their impacts on tourist
destinations
Use synonyms
. In my personal view, I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. To start with
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 advantages, international tourism leads to many
destinations
Use synonyms
 being popularised and many people wanting to
visit
Use synonyms
 the place.
This
Linking Words
 increases the revenue of the country as well
employability
Correct word choice
as employability
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. With many people paying for visas,
airplane
Use the right word
aeroplane
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 tickets and reservations, it significantly increases the country's income.
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
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 with the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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 visitors, there will be a high demand for all sorts of different services.
For example
Linking Words
,
their
Use the right word
there
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 will be a high demand for tourist guides
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
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hotels and restaurants would need many employees to help with the increasing number of
employees
Check wording
tourists
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.
However
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, there
is
Verb problem
apply
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the negative impacts that they have on
destinations
Use synonyms
, where some tourists end up vandalising the area
as well as
Linking Words
 leaving trash and personal belongings
on
Change preposition
at
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 locations they
visit
Use synonyms
. Some people
visit
Use synonyms
 exotic clean beaches where they end up leaving the whole place full of plastic. But that can be easily solved with
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 from the money they gained from the visitors. In summary, the benefits tourists bring to the
destinations
Use synonyms
 they
visit
Use synonyms
 outweigh the negative impacts they have on them. Especially when the places can be maintained with the money they generate from visitors.

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task
Your answer is clear but ideas are not built up well. Add more rhyme and details for each point.
coherence
Make a clear sentence at the start of each para. Use topic sentence and end with a small wrap up.
grammar
Use simple grammar don’t repeat the same word. Check for mistakes like 'their' vs 'there' and 'maintainance'.
content
Give more real and simple examples about money, jobs or nature to show why it is true.
structure
Say your view in the first para and restate it in the end to be strong.
content
It has a clear view that advantages win.
structure
The essay has a clear start and end and talks about both sides.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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