IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, there is a huge demand for
oil
Use synonyms
 and
gas
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, with a lot of different
places
Use synonyms
 that
are
Verb problem
have
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 not
discovered
Verb problem
been discovered
show examples
 yet. Some people say that these undiscovered
places
Use synonyms
 should be opened up
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and give
countries
Use synonyms
 a chance to explore them in
order
Use synonyms
 to fill
this
Linking Words
 gap. I firmly agree that these
places
Use synonyms
 are crucial to be available
for
Change preposition
to
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all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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the
Use synonyms
world
Correct word choice
whole world
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, in
order
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 to maintain the global demand.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
gas
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 and
oil
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 are one of the most important
things
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 in our modern
world
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because nearly most of the
things
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 in our lives are controlled by them.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
countries
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 all around the
word
Use the right word
world
show examples
 should put all their efforts in
order
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 to find more areas that produce them.
For example
Linking Words
, Saudi Arabia is one of the most
known
Correct word choice
well-known
show examples
countries
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 that worked on
this
Linking Words
 situation.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is now the number one country that produces
oil
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 and
gas
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 all
countries
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 around the
world
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, producing around 10 million gallons of them a day, and
then
Linking Words
 selling it
for
Change preposition
to
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 other
countries
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 to fill their gap.
However
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
countries
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should try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 and find these sources in their own fields, in
order
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 to maintain the balance and have enough
gas
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 and
oil
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, helping their cities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, without
oil
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 and
Use synonyms
gas
Add a comma
gas,
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 there would be no existence for most of the current transportation, as it is the main source for them to move.
In addition
Linking Words
, electricity production
also
Linking Words
 needs them in
order
Use synonyms
 to work, by taking the main power source it needs to work from them.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
gas
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 and
oil
Use synonyms
 are a crucial thing in our
world
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, and
with
Change preposition
without
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 not being available,
this
Linking Words
 will have a huge effect around the globe. In conclusion,
oil
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 and
gas
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 are crucial
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things
Check wording
resources
show examples
 in our
world
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
countries
Use synonyms
 should divide their efforts together in
order
Use synonyms
 to find new
places
Use synonyms
 that produce it, to fill the huge demand
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it.
Finally
Linking Words
, without
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
 the
world
Use synonyms
 is going to be a mess,
due to
Linking Words
 how important it is to let transportation and other
things
Use synonyms
 work perfectly.

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task response
Be clear about the main idea in each paragraph and give more detail to explain it.
task response
Add one or two specific examples and explain them.
coherence cohesion
To improve flow, use simple linking words to connect ideas and show how they cause each other.
task response
The writer states a clear position.
coherence cohesion
There is a basic essay structure: intro, body, conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Some good use of linking words like 'Furthermore' and 'Therefore'.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
What to do next:
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