IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

in a The graph below shows the hospital admissions for five hospitals European country from 2004 to 2008.

in a The graph below shows the hospital admissions for five hospitals European country from 2004 to 2008.
The line chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of different
five weekly
Use the right word
five-weekly
show examples
 hospital
admissions
Use synonyms
 (Fortsmith, Adlin, Stanton, Bardley, and Oxley) in European
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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 between 2004
t0
Correct your spelling
and
 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 fortsmith,
adlin
Fix capitalization
Adlin
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,
stanton
Fix capitalization
Stanton
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, and
bardley
Fix capitalization
Bardley
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 experienced an upward trend in the
number
Use synonyms
 of patients.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
oxley hospital
Fix capitalization
Oxley Hospital
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 showed the highest
figure
Use synonyms
 of
admissions
Use synonyms
 in the first
year
Punctuation problem
year,
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 followed by
down
Correct word choice
a downward
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 trend over the period given. The
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors to the
oxley hospital
Fix capitalization
Oxley Hospital
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 saw the highest
number
Use synonyms
 in 2004, commencing with slightly under 250 and ending with just over 100 people, which made it the lowest
figure
Use synonyms
 by the end of the period.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the bardley
Correct article usage
the hospital
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hospital
Use the right word
London Hospital
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 witnessed the second place of hospital
admissions
Use synonyms
 peaking at over 250 in 2012, but
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 declined to under 250 by 2014
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 continued to
growth
Replace the word
grow
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 again and accounted
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more than 250 in 2018.
In contrast
Linking Words
, under 200 citizens
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were
Use synonyms
admissions
Check wording
admitted to
show examples
 the fortsmith hospital.
This
Linking Words
figure
Use synonyms
 saw some
fluctuations
Punctuation problem
fluctuations,
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accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 almost 200 in 2018. In terms of adlin, beginning about 150
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hospital
admissions
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
sescalated
Correct your spelling
escalated
 to 250 in 2018.
According to
Linking Words
 the
stanton hospital
Fix capitalization
Stanton Hospital
show examples
 had the least
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly hospital
admissions
Use synonyms
 over the period. Started with around 55 and finished with slightly above 150.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, admissions, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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