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Writing Samples
Band 4

The three pie charts show statistics of read books by Phd students,junior students and other students.

The three pie charts show statistics of read books by Phd students,junior students and other students.
The pie has shown the statistics of read
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 by
Phd
Use synonyms
 admission, junior
students
Use synonyms
 and other
students
Use synonyms
. For the
Phd
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
, the pie shows that there were 80% of children read more than 12
books
Use synonyms
, 15% of
students
Use synonyms
 read 6 to 11
books
Use synonyms
, and only 5% of them read 1 to 5
books
Use synonyms
. It showed that
Phd
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 need to read more journal
articles
Use synonyms
 to improve their skills and update their work. For the Junior
students
Use synonyms
, there were only 1% of them would read more than 12
books
Use synonyms
, 24% of them read more than 12
books
Use synonyms
. And and rest of the
students
Use synonyms
, they would like to read 6-11
books
Use synonyms
. For junior
students
Use synonyms
, they might need to use different
articles
Use synonyms
 for their assignments, look for the references and for guided learning, but it would not attract them to read too many
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, for all
students
Use synonyms
, there were 67%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were reading 1 to 5
articles
Use synonyms
 only. And 21% of
students
Use synonyms
reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 6 to 11
books
Use synonyms
, 12% of them read 12 or more. It demonstrates that
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
Linking Words
Correct word order
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
,
they
Use the right word
the
show examples
were
Correct word order
students were
show examples
 poorer at reading journal
articles
Use synonyms
Overall
Linking Words
, each group have their own reading habits, and the pie shows that the
Phd
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 would like to read more journal
articles
Use synonyms
besides
Linking Words
 junior and other
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phd, students, books, articles with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • charts
  • read
  • books
  • book
  • student
  • students
  • PhD
  • junior
  • other
  • share
  • part
  • percent
  • figure
  • trend
  • pattern
  • compare
  • compared
  • with
  • in
  • the
  • of
  • and
  • but
  • also
  • more
  • less
  • how
  • why
  • cause
  • effect
  • results
  • data
  • group
  • type
  • course
  • text
  • textbook
  • library
  • study
  • readers
  • work
  • inform
  • focus
  • overall
  • in general
  • for example
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