IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people support the development of agriculture, such as factory farming and creation of new fruits and vegetables. Others oppose this idea. Present both views.

Developing agriculture has been one of the most controversial issues in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent
years
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 support
this
Linking Words
 idea, because it can
increase
Use synonyms
 the
food
Use synonyms
 availability, and lower its cost,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others oppose
this
Linking Words
 concept, as it will
increase
Use synonyms
 unemployment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both the ideas
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
deliniate
Verb problem
elaborate on
show examples
 my point. First and foremost,
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 has been increasing at an alarming rate
,
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apply
show examples
 in recent
years
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, has put
immensive
Correct your spelling
immense
 pressure on the
food
Use synonyms
 industry. Factory farming and artificial
fruits
Fix the agreement mistake
fruit
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 and vegetable-making, is a great help in meeting the aggravated
food
Use synonyms
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the products
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in these industries can be made in less time , and are cost-effective.
For example
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 an
increase
Use synonyms
 in
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 of Canada, in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 couple of
years
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, the demand for chicken and beef has
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 tremendously.
This
Linking Words
,
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apply
show examples
 could no longer be fulfilled by traditional methods, and
hence
Linking Words
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 artificial breeding
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 to enhance the production.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there is a part of society that opposes
this
Linking Words
 idea, because it takes away the employment of the
people
Use synonyms
 residing in rural areas. Most of the fruits, vegetables and dairy requirements of a country
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 satisfied by farmers residing in villages and other
backward
Replace the word
backwards
show examples
 areas.
However
Linking Words
,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the increasing factory production of these items
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 has led to a lack of work for
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
, who
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 now have to look for other
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 means to support their families.
For instance
Linking Words
, in India, most of the milk production comes from the rural communities, but with
Use synonyms
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of factories, these
people
Use synonyms
 are out of
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 now. Conclusively, there are both pros and cons of the artificial making of these items. The advantage is
,
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apply
show examples
 that it helps us to resolve the problem of increased
food
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 needs of today's world
,
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;
show examples
on the other hand
Linking Words
, the disadvantage is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that it will take away the jobs of
people
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have been traditionally doing
this
Linking Words
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
years
Use synonyms
.

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task
Improve task response by clearly stating your view and adding strong, relevant examples for each idea. Make a clear point in the end.
coherence
Improve coherence and cohesion by planning before writing, using clear topic sentences, and linking ideas with simple joining words (and, but, also, so). Keep sentences short and correct.
development
The essay shows both sides of the issue.
content
There are some good ideas and examples.
structure
Conclusion mentions both sides.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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